Arjuna's Colt 45

Most sailors keep a few books in their cabins. In one of the cupboards was a copy of the Bhagavad Gita. I’d read some of it before but I must have skipped over these stanzas Krishna spoke to Arjuna as the sea rolled under my feet. I read between the lines of these stanzas, “The duties of the Priests, the Warriors, the Merchants/Artisans, and Laborers, Arjuna, are passed along through the genes according to the qualities which arise from their own nature” and “Heroism, majesty, firmness, skill, and never a coward, generosity, and nobility, are the qualities of the warrior, born of their nature.” You can’t help but to be what you were born to.Strap on your 45 Arjuna and get in the mix.

The Brahman, the Kshatrias, the Vashyas, and the Shudras… each are noble. I took a deep breath and sighed the sorrow. We are born the way we are. I had been granted a part in the universe I denied. I tried to find peace between the Kshatrias and the Vashyas where no peace could be found.

I’d settled for the mask of normalcy instead of taking the path. It turned out to be a big mistake. I chose the oblivion of the bottle when I denied the fire… the challenge of creation as an artist. It was the same Warrior/Creator Muse that left me then and this thing in me became numb. Sitting on the deck of the Sherlock in that moment, I understood… it was a flash. When Earhart took his dive off the bridge it was his last chance to get back to his warrior soul. It wasn’t when I chose to drink… it was when I chose to be normal. Creation and destruction, oh Arjuna, are the same beast. This reality shocks normal people with normal lives. Likewise, it’s the karma of most people to live out their lives in peace, to raise families, and participate in society. The merchant/artisan or laborer perfect their own duties to be successful but couldn’t be expected to understand the drive of pro-athletes or Navy SEALs. Nor should they. The odds are a million to one against making it but the drive is there and that drive denied will pull us down the way nothing else can.

There were a few beers in the cabin’s small fridge but I craved a soda instead. I realized I hadn’t the DTs I’d feared since my last drink. I should’ve. I always did when I tried. I had nothing more than the usual hangover and some shakes but it was remarkably easy to quit. It had never been this easy for me before whenever I tried. Shit, it had been a couple years of daily drinking. I’d heard others say the same thing happened to them when they went had gone bat-shit religious. They always attributed it to a miracle… an act of God or Higher Power. It made believers of them. I hadn’t any such an apparition or transcendent experience. I’ve heard it said that positive thinking changes the brain chemistry but that wasn’t quite enough of an explanation for me. It was as though my friends on the Wall had called me to a mission. Maybe Earhart’s spirit was my Higher Power. It did awaken me none-the-less.

Chapter 9. The Inspection

I know how most civilian investigations work. A crime scene is taped off, if there is one, and all evidence on the spot is gathered. No one works alone like Colombo. It takes teamwork. Witnesses are interviewed and from there it goes door to door asking the neighbors; “Where were you when it happened? Did you see anything unusual? Did you recognize anyone?” A list of possible “persons of interest” is compiled and then it’s taken to the interview room at the station. One by one “persons of interest’ are narrowed to a couple of suspects. There’s not much need to go back into the field. Confessions, or leads, are extracted there with varying results.

Sometimes it’s another story with persons of interest who contribute to campaign funds like Doc does. If a simple child molestation accusation comes from an obscure source, like a prostitute, the case might not be filed at all. She is more likely to be arrested and booked for her sins and, added to that, filing a false report. I’ve seen it happen. This isn’t because of overt corruption. More often than not it's a combination of case overload, a simple bias, or bureaucratic laziness. If the witness is corrupt, and that the case has no chance in front of a jury, the matter is complicated.

A murder escalates the concerns of all involved. If the person of interest is a campaign donor and the victim is a cab driver, there is a good chance that the case will go cold. Perry's case would have been lost in a glacier of ice… just another suicide… except that Ryan had a dog in the hunt.

I flatter myself to think that this dog was me but I believe that my friend was in love with Anna.

I had to leave the sanctuary of Anna’s studio to pick up my VA check at the Virginia. Spiderman was at the desk holding up the foldout of the newest Pethouse to the light. I had to slam the ringer to get his attention. He damned near fell out of his chair. Recovering his composure, he said, “I see you Crash, but I’d rather look at this. What do you think, is she a ten?”

I looked at the fold-out a second but asked, “You got my check yet?”

“Say, Crash. Have you been takin’ vitamins or something? You don’t look so bad.”

“I didn’t come here to get married sweetheart, I just want my check.”

He put the magazine aside and pulled the government envelope out of a drawer and slipped it across the counter, “You ain’t drinkin’ are you?”

“It’s only been a week. You think it shows?”

“Yeah, it does.”

“I just have to keep my head clear for a while. At least ‘til a few things get straightened out.”

“I gotta tell you. A PD Detective was here lookin’ for you. What kind of shit did you get yourself into, Crash?”

“Not sure, what did he say?” I knew it had to be Ryan.

“He just asked if I knew where you were stayin’ and if I knew that Anna chick. Man-oh-man, I sure do wish I knowed her better.”

“Hey, you’re starting to drool.” I stepped back and started to walk away. “But thanks Spiderman. You don’t have to tell him I was here.” The thought came to me that Ryan didn’t know where I was hiding out. Anna hadn’t let him know either. I supposed there was no reason to let him know until I had a better idea what I was up against.

I went to the corner to cash my check. John had been doing that since I first moved into the Virginia. I always paid up my tab on the first of the month. I had him cut it off at fifty bucks so that I wouldn’t use up my reserves. That was my way of budgeting a monthly hundred twenty-dollar check. It was a thirty percent disability… the pittance the VA threw my way to delay paying off at a higher rate. It seemed as though the VA was betting most of us wouldn’t have the stamina to endure the delays and obstructions before an appeal came through. Most Vets gave up and walked away… went to prison, committed suicide, or died before an appeal was ever awarded.

John cashed my check… counted it out. I passed fifty back.

“No Crash. You can get me later… when you’re back on your feet.”

I looked at my feet, peeled off fifty bucks, “I’m on my feet John. Here, take this. I’m okay, really.”

John took the money, “You know; that cop friend of yours, Detective Ryan, was here first thing this morning… banged on my door before I opened. He says it’s urgent.”

“I know. I’d appreciate you don’t know anything… right.” I passed three quarters over the counter and he passed back a pack of generic unfiltered smokes.

“I can’t lie to a cop, Crash.”

“You don’t have to lie except by omission.”

I was halfway to Gutierrez Street before I realized I hadn’t bought a pint from John. It felt good. Two more steps and I wanted to turn around… Maybe go to the Ofice to see Nancy. I didn’t have to struggle much though. It felt like a big hand was on my shoulder guiding me away. It wasn’t long before I was on the breakwater lighting up a smoke and listening to the surf pounding away under me as I sat on the concrete bench taking in the sun. I knew what the big hand was and the feeling was vivid… like the way I felt watching Adrian breech and come out of the Elaine’s vagina fighting. It was a feeling of awe, fear, and beauty. That’s when I saw Ryan coming towards me from the Yacht Club.

I patted my hand on the wet spot where the spraying surf left a puddle as he approached, “Don’t sit here unless you want to get your butt wet.”

“Walk with me to Mizz Sherlock, Crash. You in the mood for some fishing?”

Mizz Sherlock was a clean boat of about forty-five feet… nothing fancy about her. The old Chrysler marine engine that powered her could be pushed to twelve knots max… cruises at ten. The cabin was big enough to squeeze in a gateleg table for eating that dropped down for a third berth and a chart table for plotting a course. It even had a shower below next to the head.

Under the forward hatch was the usual two berths. The most modern feature on it was a marine radio scanner and 1950’s radar screen. There was no fish-finder sonar, or RDF. A compass, sextant and clock was good enough for him. It was a comfortable cabin and the boat was made to hold up under the conditions of damned near any seas.

We didn’t need to talk as we boarded and cruised out of the harbor. I knew he was going to fish for something more than Yellowtail and that he would be patient. The sea-air away from the harbor was different… just as fresh and all… but there was something about it. It was fresh in the nose… like the sweet smell of freedom. I’d sailed a skiff around the sloughs of the Sacramento River and San Francisco Bay before I was drafted. The Navy wasn’t taking high school drop-outs and draftees back then. I could have been on Swift-boats. But the Army took anyone then and I found a home there.

I tossed the pack of smokes into the churning wake. It was a compulsion. I don’t know why I did it but it felt right… something like pouring out that beer.

We set up our poles and took turns at the helm. Ryan opened a cooler and pulled out two cans… a beer for himself and offered me one.

“You got a soda or something?”

“You quit drinking too.” He wasn’t asking. It was like he was reading it from a report.

“No. Just laying off a bit. Who told you that?”

“A little sparrow… ‘sides, smokin’ and drinkin’ go together.”

“Shit, you get around. So does fishin’ and drinkin’.” Not knowing how to drink one, I gulped down the soda and tossed the can off the stern. “I didn’t really quit. I’m just putting some time between drinks, if you know what I mean.”

Ryan scowled and pushed five-gallon bucket next to me, “Put ‘em in here next time.”

He cut the motor and we just drifted with the current. He continued to look at me with a scrunched brow.

A weight pressed my chest and caught in my craw, so I let it out, “Anna’s in trouble.”

“I know,” he dropped his beer in the bucket as his line went taut and his pole bent nearly to the waterline. He yanked the pole from its rod holder and hollered, “It’s fishin’ ya know. Sometimes the little ones fight harder than the big ones. You don’t know what you’ve got until you pull it in.”

The reel on the pole zinged the line out…. Ryan’s body leaned back with the pole in both hands… “It’s not a Yellowtail!”

“How can you tell?”

“A Yellowtail won’t take it to the bottom. Gotta be a shark. We’re fishing with too light a line.”

“What do you have, the Loch Ness monster?”

“I might as well… we might be in for a long… long… haul.” Ryan didn’t look as excited as I thought he would be. He was calm, “Damn. I was looking forward to some sushi.”

“The day isn’t over yet.”

“I was fishin’ for bait. This bugger is going to take more than we’re rigged for. Fortuitous… let’s talk about that.”

“About Anna, or this fish?”

Ryan pulled the line back from the tip of the rod, took out his Buck knife, and cut the line. The pole snapped back upright, “You tell me. Anna’s too smart to get big headed. She’s in a trap she got into as a small fry and now she’s upped the ante.”

Anna hadn’t told me enough to know how much Ryan knew or how much I should let him know. I wasn’t comfortable between these two loyalties. No wonder I drank. The beers in the cooler started to look damned good. I cracked one open but didn’t take a sip. I just held it in my hand like Linus’ security blanket.

Ryan’s eyes were on my beer, “Your old boss is into some pretty sick shit. Worse than that, he took that bimbo with him and now it’s starting to cave in on all of them.”

“I’m not sure what you mean.”

“Perry.”

“Anna told me. I was in jail at the time… you know?”

Ryan busied himself re-rigging his gear, “I think I’ll put some live squid on it. Change it up. You probably don’t know what’s been going on. I don’t think you even cared until a week ago. Am I right?”

“That I care? Yeah, I suppose I do. Ryan, I think I’m coming alive. I feel it. I’m done with all this bullshit… it isn’t self-pity and all. I just didn’t give a shit.” I watched Ryan finish hooking up the squid and cast out with only a light flick of his wrist. I set the beer in the holder on the gunnel and took the helm. Ryan didn’t have to tell me to take the helm and I began cruising just fast enough to create a wake. I looked back in time to see a Marlin clear the water. It was a good sign the day would be a good one. I shouted over the throbbing motors, “So, Anna’s the live bait? Why are we fishing if you already have a bead on Doc?”

Ryan reeled the squid towards the boat in front of where we saw the jumper and, as an aside, he shouted, “You know there’s Great Whites out here too. Funny thing about them. They have some sort of instinct… At the Farallons, a friend… a marine biologist, told me. I don’t know what it is but, if you kill one… well, the old ones… the big ones… they skedaddle and don’t come back for a long-assed time. Maybe all you got to do is kill one. Folks don’t know that.”

“You aren’t going to let me know more?”

“About fishing? Crash Craszhinski, you’ll know more when I know more. Try to remember, this crap will take time and patience. You stay close to Anna; she can help us out but we don’t want to scare off the big ones. I don’t trust her story. Her heart is good but she’s a compulsive liar.”

“Then, I take it that you’re not going by the book this time?”

“I am. But the book we’re going by hasn’t been written. Circumstances always warrant an exception. I have to tell you, something smells bad at the station. Might go up near the top of the chain of command in the DA’s office. Someone’s stepped on my earliest attempts to investigate.”

“So, Ryan,” I was intrigued now. Ryan was going rogue. That wasn’t his style. I had to probe, “I need to know what we’re getting into.” Still not sure what anything he said was about, I added, “I’ve never liked working with ARVN’s commanders in the Embassy. Too much like catch and release.”

Ryan’s rod dipped a couple of times, “Sometimes they tease the crap out of ya.”

I cut the engines as soon as I heard the reel’s shrill r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r’s. He yelled, “That ain’t a Great White!” He planted the butt of the rod under his belly and the fight was on. I could see why Hemmingway loved Marlin fishing so much. It could be compared to a fifteen round boxing match. It looks like I had a ringside seat for this bout. The line went straight down, pole bent… keeping the line taught, Ryan reeled and released it… brought it closer and letting it go further. The line changed directions a dozen times before the fish breached in a graceful leap coming back down on the line as sure as a fencer’s parry and lunge. The pole sprung back straight and the line went slack… the fight was over… the Marlin won.

Ryan laughed, “That was one smart asshole! Took lessons from Douglass Fairbanks for sure.”

“It was more like Liston and Clay… over in the first round,” I sniped, but one of the things I especially liked about Ryan was his quick acknowledgement of his adversary’s prowess. My stomach started to churn and I realized how hungry I’d gotten.

Ryan pulled up his line and relieved me at the helm. “Yeah, but don’t it give you a rush? Let’s go over to the oil rigs and get us some lunch.”

All in all, it wasn’t a bad day. Ryan had snagged one and let it go. Another just plain got away.

He snuggled the Sherlock idling in the shade under Platform B casting distance from the stanchions where we lobbed our lines to the bottom. Within minutes we were both hauling in a couple of nice rockfish and calico bass. I was afraid we were going to have sushi but Ryan pulled out the propane Hibachi from a space under the deck. We filleted our catch and had them on the grill on the spot. I couldn’t remember a time in the past several years when I felt life had been so sweet.

After eating, Ryan stood at the helm, fired up the old Chrysler and said, “This isn’t catch and release. We’re dealing with great whites and Anna’s our bait.”

Mizz Sherlock rounded past the sand spit buoys, sea landing jetty, and into its slip on Marina One. I dropped the bumpers, jumped off and set the bow line to the cleat when Ryan stopped me. “Don’t tie up the stern. You’re not staying.”

“What’re you talking about, Ryan?”