The Bardo of Life

Saturday, July 6, 2013:

Sometimes I feel that I’m not so sure I can deal with much more travail in our lives. Bonnie’s heart surgery was one thing, but thrown on top of that was liver and kidney failure. Thank God her liver and kidneys are recovering because I’m not so positive I could handle it if she were to be taken away from me. She is a beacon of light in my life and, like the love I have for Alanna (and once had for Carrie), I was sorely afraid that Bonnie would be taken away too. I still haven’t fully recovered from the loss of thirty years ago and the fear of that has revisited me. So, I deal with fear: fear of loss.

I’m not so very afraid going into the later years of my life alone but it is hard to accept the suffering of a loved one. I suppose that this is a part of aging: friends pass away and those who are dear to us sometimes suffer. It causes me to cherish the good fortune I’ve had in family and the few friends that have stuck around… at least I still have my mother and father, my sisters, all my nephews, grand nephews and nieces... and those adding another generation faster than I can count. Life goes on and passes. I am so very glad that I have been afforded the love and passion of a life that has been full regardless of my stumbling around.

Tibetans call this life a “bardo”. A bardo is that space between inhaling and exhaling. It is but a brief moment in eternity and my thinking tells me I ought to either be depressed about it or enjoy it while I can. Now, there are several ways of enjoying this bit of time. One is through excess and an other is all about breaking through that barrier of one breath to another. It doesn’t matter all that much to me… both end and so we might as well love each other… eh?

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