The Flickering Flame

For meditation to happen, calm and auspicious conditions have to be created. Before we have mastery over our minds, we need first to calm their environment.

     At the moment, our minds are like a candle flame; unstable, flickering, constantly changing, fanned by the violent winds of our thoughts and emotions. The flame will burn steadily only when we can calm the air around it; so we can only begin to glimpse and rest in the nature of mind when we have stilled the turbulence of our thoughts and emotions. On the other hand, once we have found a stability in our meditation, noises and disturbances of every kind will have far less impact.

Glimpse After Glimpse,

Sogyal Rinpoche

~

     The idea of making a sacred place to meditate is an ancient one and has tremendous merit as a productive way to start the day. Some would propose that it is locked into our DNA, going as far back as cave paintings. Just walking in; sitting down in a pew of a cathedral or temple, has a calming influence, as my mind is drawn to the quiet in which the place absorbs me. Is it no wonder that many flee to such sanctuaries in troubled times? In my home I found it helpful to make a place I call my private sanctuary for meditation. It isn’t much… a small table with a few pictures of inspirational people… folks I admire (for instance, I have, on one side, pictures of Mark Twain and Chief Joseph… on the other side I have one of Geronimo and another of Jack Kerouac) perhaps a small piece of sacred sculpture, a candle or two, and  an incense burner. This is where the liturgy of prayer and the practice of meditation combine to help me make contact with my concept of a Higher Power.

    There are some religious folks that would think that this practice is a form of idolatry but nothing could be further from the truth. I don’t worship these objects. If anything, they are merely inspirational in the sense that an executive keeps a picture of his children on his desk to remind him why he is there. They are not objects of superstition like a wearing the same socks all season as is often the practice of baseball players. If I could be accused of anything, it would be that these pictures and such are crutches. I can easily accept that criticism because I know I am spiritually disabled. I am as a man who has lost a leg along these lines and I know I will never grow a new one.

    However, after I sit a few minutes in the morning, I have found that my Higher Power is portable. I can take this spirit with me wherever and whatever I do. If the Heart of Compassion is a crutch… so be it. I am forever grateful for the places where the flickering flame is calmed by the air around it.

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Sensitivity... the Receiving Set

To be sensitive is good, because sensitive people are aware of a thousand interesting or beautiful things where the obtruse person gets nothing. To do any creative work you have to be sensitive, because the creative worker is a “receiving set” for divine mind.

Excerpted from p.333:

Around the Year with

Emmet Fox

~

The Buddhist teacher, Sogyal Rinpoche, wrote in today’s meditation that the nature of mind is like a mirror with five powers of “wisdom”. I think Emmet Fox would agree because in the reflection I cited above he speaks of the creative powers of the sensitive person. What Fox calls “intelligent” use of sensitivity, the Rinpoche calls “the wisdom of “the womb of compassion”; the “mirrorlike wisdom”; the “equalizing” wisdom; the “wisdom of discernment”; and “all-encompassing wisdom”.

    Buddhists usually profess that there is no belief in “God”, or gods, fundamental to the practice of the discipline. I do hear of the masters teaching of self and “Self”… mind and “Mind”. The confusion of using the word “God” is what sets us in the West apart but I see it differently because, when examined thoroughly, we speak of spirits that influence us. The spirit of love/anger; spirit of desire; and so on, this compels me to conclude that what is spoken of by Buddhists as the “all encompassing spirit” is what we call God over here. God is, after all, whatever we esteem higher than us. At one time my God was the bottle. But my spirit was lifted out of that morass when I contemplated, and acted, on the spirit of compassion. I am guided by the spirit of divine discernment and understanding; thus, I became more sensitive to whatever spirit I held up before my aspirations. In doing so my mind became a receptor to a Power greater than myself. I call that power the Heart of Compassion because it is that spirit that smashed the temple of my obsession to self destructive addictions.

     The proverb says it best: “Wisdom is the principle thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.” Proverbs 4:7

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The Sky is Blue

Anything which is created must, sooner or later, die. If enlightenment were created in such a way, there would always be the possibility of ego reasserting itself, causing a return to the confused state. Enlightened is permanent because we have not produced it; we have merely discovered it. In the Buddhist tradition the analogy of the sun appearing from behind the clouds is often used to explain the discovery of enlightenment. In meditation practice we clear away the confusion of ego in order to glimpse the awakened state. The absence of ignorance, of being crowded in, of paranoia, opens up a tremendous view of life. One discovers a different way of being.

Chogyam Trungpa;

Cutting Through

Spiritual Materialism

~

If I am truthful, I can admit that I don’t really know what is meant by “enlightenment”, nor do I believe I have experienced a permanent state of awakened consciousness. I read what those, I suppose, have experienced it have written and wonder whether or not they are blowing smoke up my ya-ya. Then I think of the experience I had myself when the obsession to drink seems to have been permanently lifted, I can understand that this was a glimpse at enlightenment. I don’t have to make up anything about that experience. I can look at the singular event and break down the essential elements that had been there in the beginning. I can make as much sense of it as I can but, the reality is, everything I might say about my experience that comes from analyses is purely conjecture. If I testify that I came to know God in some intimate way in that moment, I know in the depths of my heart that I am making stuff up to explain what just might be impossible to explain. I suspect that the Heart of Compassion put a foot in the door of my consciousness. I take from this experience tremendous encouragement to open that door a bit further to allow the light in. I stop asking myself; will it come flooding in at once in a singular, cataclysmic, ego smashing, event or does it gradually enter as I patiently practice? 

The sky is blue above the clouds. It is here and it is now.

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Follow Compassion

A Blatant Plagiarization
 
To truly desire to follow the Heart of Compassion’s will, therein lies happiness for me. I started out wanting my own way. I wanted my will to be satisfied. I took and did not give. Gradually I found that I was not happy when I was selfish, so I began to make allowances for other people’s wills. But this again did not give me full happiness, and I began to see that the only way to be truly happy was to try to do the will of the Heart of Compassion. In these times of meditation, I seek to get guidance so that I can be absorbed into the will of the Heart of Compassion.

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Altered from:

Hazelden Publication,

Twenty-Four Hours A Day

Spiritual Competition

We Attempt to momentarily suspend all mental and physical activities. We try to relax our entire bodies, then close our minds to the worries and anxieties about us.

    What do we think about? Just relaxation. Then we let go of our cares and turn to God with this simple prayer: Thy will be done.

    How long do we continue this? We can be our own judges. It can be a matter of minutes if necessary. We know, however, from experience, thirty seconds of complete relaxation of mind and body will do the trick. It is simple. Try it.

The Little Red Book:

Hazelden Publications,

pp. 106-107

~

     Being competitive, and always striving to do better than others, is engrained in my mind. Healthy competition would be a good thing if I didn’t have this one physical, spiritual, and mental illness: I am an alcoholic. Naturally, I carry my disease into every activity if I don’t address it. In meditation I find that, even here, I try to sit longer, reach perfection of mind, and come up with insights more profound than others when we share our experience afterwards. No matter how deeply I bury, deny or hide from it, this very notion blocks me from progressing… truly relaxing and allowing the Heart of Compassion to do the heavy lifting. "Thy will be done" is the heavy lifting and, in this case, relieves me of the pressure of taking credit for the serenity and clarity of mind practicing meditation develops. I am no longer in competition and I can let go of the idea that I am better, or worse, at my practice than others. I can accept and claim my own humanity as an asset rather than a handicap.

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Preparation & Meditation

Sometimes people think that when they meditate there should be no thoughts and emotions at all; and when thoughts and emotions do arise, they become annoyed and exasperated with themselves and think they have failed. Nothing could be further from the truth. There is a Tibetan saying: “It’s a tall order to ask for meat without bones, and tea without leaves.” As long as you have a mind, you will have thoughts and emotions.

Glimpse After Glimpse

Sogyal Rinpoche

~

Reality; or getting it real, that is where I am headed when I sit. Meditation takes preparation. Preparation requires self-examination and prayer. Preparation takes care of the most haunting and persistent thoughts that arise and the liturgy of recited prayer elevates my thinking … not to escape… but to view myself and the world from a liberated perspective. As I sit… shopping lists… chores to be done… people I care about… resentments…something she said… something I did… guilt… things undone… incidents that occurred several years before provoking laughter… all these pass through my mind. Should I try to repress them they would simmer and build up pressure… recurring… insisting… persisting… and I arise from sitting more exhausted than refreshed. Instead, I breathe them in and breathe them out… like packages to be mailed… breathe them in and breathe them out… giving them to God and letting go. It takes practice and I am told to be kind to myself and, if I can, laugh…. the Heart of Compassion will laugh with me.

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The Universal Eye of God

Be quick to see where religious people are right. Make use of what they offer.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 87

~

I thought of myself as open-minded and tolerant of other religious practices and, even more so, I believed in my heart that I need not be tolerant of political/religious beliefs I felt to be evil. Then it occurred to me that I don’t need to ascribe to a religion or political belief to be tolerant of the persons professing to know something of the world by ascribing themselves to these beliefs. Still, it was a harder pill to swallow than I thought because it meant that; if I sit and listen… maybe even open their literature and read it… hear the pundits, preachers and soap box orators on TV and radio without automatically and immediately condemning who was saying it, my heart opened to them without taking on their beliefs. After all, what am I afraid of if my beliefs are so damned solid?

    In the end, I realize I know very little outside of my own experience… the rest is opinion… usually, other people’s opinion and not my experience or that of the pundit. When they talk from experience, my ears perk up. After I compare it with what I’ve experienced, another test goes something like this: Is it kind? Is it necessary? And is it true?
 
   I found that I am mistaken to see others as evil; no matter what they believe, and to do so is often a murderous attitude that can inflict unimaginable suffering and oppression no matter what my intention. Seeing our common experience, and accepting it as valid, is the path to healing. But that doesn’t mean I bend-over and bow unthinkingly to mistaken ideas. It simply means I don’t regard the human being with those beliefs as anything less than me when viewed through the eye of the Heart of Compassion.

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The Joy of Sorrow & "Noble Doubt"

In the place of our contemporary nihilistic form of doubt I would ask you to put what I call a “noble doubt,” the kind that is an integral path toward enlightenment. The vast truth of the mystical teachings handed down to us is not something that our endangered world can afford to dismiss. Instead of doubting them, why don’t we doubt ourselves: our ignorance, our assumption that we understand everything already, our grasping and evasion, our passion for so-called explanations of reality that have about them nothing of the awe-inspiring and all-encompassing wisdom of what the masters, the messengers of Reality, have told us?

Sogyal Rinpoche

Glimpse after Glimpse

~

     Especially throughout the long and drawn-out national election season this year, the self-assurance and attitude of smug disapproval and finger pointing of advocates of one party against the other rose to an apex that neared violence if any of our common political assumptions were questioned. Not only is there a presumption of ignorance on the other but the accusation of evil, racism, greed or elitism etc on one side: sloth, incompetence, dependency on entitlements or pandering to them (and on and on), was pinned on the other. In this regard I like to think of the adage asserting; “all politics are local.” It holds the most truth for me. Local, in its purest application, means for me to look inside. I sat down one day and saw that the much reviled “Tea Party” had much in common with the “Occupy” movement. Both were spontaneous and both saw that the center of the dispute had to do with economic issues. One side insisted that the problem was government taxation and corporate favoritism while the other side protested corporate greed and excess as the problem. Somewhere in between the two sides agreed if I put aside the distractions of extreme elements and their demands. The peculiar thing was that to even suggest this to anyone on either side of the issue was to evoke the most vile and venomous reaction. I sat and saw my own venom and addressed it instead of bemoaning the situation. Quietly working on my own attitudes encourages me to expand my consciousness enough to accept the humanity of those I oppose. The answers are in the healing after the wound has been opened and not in inflicting more damage. Somewhere in the Art of War I read: Victory parades ought to resemble funeral processions. Maybe Sun Tsu never saw a New Orleans funeral but that would at least be respectful glee and not so much gloating: it would be The joy of sorrow.

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Depression

… it may appear that  A.A. consists mainly of racking dilemmas and troubleshooting. To a certain extent, that is true. We have been talking about problems because we are problem people who have found a way up and out, and who wish to share our knowledge of that way with all who can use it. For it is only by accepting and solving our problems that we can begin to get right with ourselves and with the world about us, and with Him who presides over us all. Understanding is the key to right principles and attitudes, and right action is the key to good living; therefore the joy of good living is the theme of A.A.’s Twelve Steps.

Twelve Steps and 

Twelve Traditions, p. 125

~

When I put aside the bottle and the pipe I thought all my problems would be over… that relationships would be restored… that my bank account would grow… that everything would improve. I didn’t expect these blessings to happen overnight either. I just thought that God’s time was a bit slow and, at times, I felt as though this sobriety business was futile… life still sucked. It is confirmed in the approved history of A.A., that the co-founder of A.A., Bill W., wrote the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (pp. 352-353 of Pass It On) while suffering a deep depression and everything in his life appeared to be going quite well. A.A. was catching on and the fellowship was preparing for the first World Conference, but he was still depressed. What I got out of reading about this was how important it is to make myself useful in such times regardless of how I feel. At sea in a storm, a ship steams ahead with just enough power to keep the bow against the waves lest it flounders. I learned from my time at sea, that, when it is futile to forge ahead at full steam, I need to slow down, face the storm and keep my vision directed. Understanding and facing my problems is how I keep directed and know that the storm eventually passes... there is safe harbor ahead.

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Pre-Thanksgiving Reflection

I got up late today and then had some last minute Thanksgiving Day shopping for ingredients that go into my special recipe oyster dressing. Thanksgiving Day brings with it some mixed emotions around what happened to the First People's with European intrusion into a self-sustaining ecological economy of native tribes... the introduction of small-pox and alien diseases... the dismantling of  communal relationships for concepts of acreage and ownership of property... yep, forcing a foreign religion onto them and sending their children to be indoctrination schools and on and on.

Putting all that into perspective and acknowledging that part of the history, it is still a day to be grateful for my life and the love and happiness of those around me…. the community… the hope… the soldiers standing in harms way in desolate outposts… sailors at sea and away from dear ones…  the returning veterans who have given all… those who escaped harm… those whose lives are changed forever from wounds suffered in combat (both physical and psychological)… all on our behalf…the strangers passing through… homeless and crying out for understanding and a helping hand… and for all those who came before me to create the bounty I enjoy.

     Today and tomorrow, I know how fortunate I am to be alive today… to be breathing and above ground… even tomorrow…Yes!
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Put Your Hand To The Plow

Never look back. Always go right ahead. Even if you are quaking, go right ahead. Jesus said the man who puts his hand to the plow and then turns back, is not worthy of the Kingdom of Heaven. He also said: Remember Lot's wife (Luke 17:32).
    No matter how unattractive or how dangerous the road ahead may be, it is better than the road back. The road ahead may be veiled from sight --- but you must teach yourself to regard the unknown as friendly. Remember that God is always on the road ahead.
    …. cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee (Psalm 143:8).

Around the Year

With Emmet Fox, p. 324

~

"Put your hand to the plow and hold on..."

Anonymous,

Gospel Spiritual

It doesn't take much effort to see the wisdom in leaving the past where it belongs. Not many of us have had the experience of holding on to a plow and being damned near dragged along by a horse or team of oxen… and, at the same time, turning up a perfect row or furrow. It takes practice and I don't believe that the Carpenter meant that one is "not worthy" as much as it means that one needs more training… more practice… more experience. However, it does take a mentor to guide me in laying down an even furrow: nothing trumps experience… for good or bad. That business about "worthy" was probably thrown in later by a more rigid interpretation than mine of spirituality. But, I agree that meditation practice works out in much the same way as plowing a field to help it become productive and useful. 

    The mind is an unplowed field for most of us. Once I have put my hands to the plow, there is no looking back or romanticizing the past. Acknowledging my past isn't to be mistaken for looking back and longing to return to it. In the rooms of AA, and working with others, I often relate my experience where drugs and alcohol took me. I must take an inventory of my past actions too…and, as my day ends, I can review where I have been and what I have done. In doing so I am plowing a furrow next to the one I put down before without wavering into it because it then becomes a reference to where I am going. There are very few things as beautiful to me as a newly plowed field: i.e., see Bruegel.
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Our Values

Those adolescent urges that so many of us have for top approval, perfect security, and perfect romance --- urges quite appropriate to age seventeen --- prove to be an impossible way of life when we are at age forty-seven or fifty-seven.

The Best of Bill, pp. 52-53

~

    I was under the impression that I was a rebel and that I needed no approval of those I thought of as above me. But, when I look into it, I can see that I was wrong. Even when that authority is invisible, I can see that I compared my values with an ideal based on nothing but an illusion of a higher good. Furthermore, when I looked to a guru or sponsor as an authority instead of a guide, my submission was counter-productive and, when that sponsor is gone, I am left in a spiritual void.


    Last night, 60 Minutes' program was about experiments begging the question, how young do babies adopt values. Do we start out with a blank slate, tabula raza? Or, are our ideas of right and wrong in our DNA from the start? Go to ( www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=50135417n ). These experiments also showed how the problem with moral values is that they are a two-edged sword. They can compel us to do "good", or they can even be expressed as bigotry against perceived "others" and that positive values are local until a certain age. If we feed localized values restricted to family, social, political and religious institutions, we get the bigotry of a David Duke. Conversely, if we encourage universal values of a perceived "good", we get a Dali Lama.

    We can draw conclusions about nature or nurture from that if we wish; but, I believe it is more than a matter of which beast we feed. Bias, deep down in our DNA, might even have an evolutionary function to some degree on a primal level. But, once I am able to become an adult, I can see that my tribe is the human tribe. The ability to sort out these values is what makes us adults… loving-kindness transcends toward those which are moral values that are inclusive and not exclusive.

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Love & Tolerance: Melding

Morihei Ueshiba: Founder of Aikido

The most difficult spiritual principle is love and tolerance. We think we have it until we run into someone who has wronged us personally and this extends to those we oppose or distrust, (ethnically, religiously, socially or politically). I believe that this happens because we have been indoctrinated to some degree to believe that our tribe is right and all others are flawed. Religious intolerance is probably greater than political but they both have fear as the tap-root that goes down much further than what we can immediately see.

    How much of what I believe is founded on the basic fear that my personal failures have been caused by some vague and mysterious "other"? If I take a good look at myself I can uncover much of what is unproductive and disagreeable to what I thought of as enemies. Seeing where "they" are wrong isn't enough. How can I bridge the gap and salve those who would force their ideals on me?

    My warrior heart tells me that I must stand my ground no matter what: especially when violence is the method used against what I suppose is "me"(my beliefs). But I believe I can learn much about myself and those beliefs if I apply what is called "melding" in Aikido. Melding is the best way to practice real love and tolerance in an often violent and oppressive world where life and limb are threatened. The focus of the clear and open looseness that arises from meditation practice applied to resolving conflict centers me in the heart of my body and out of the confusion that ricochets around in my head.

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A Morningstar Romance

I sent off copies of the manuscript of A Morningstar Romance to Larry Read and Pam Hanna, as promised. It is essentially what I posted on this site but I cleaned up the typos and grammar as best I could and will be submitting it to be published upon their review. I enjoyed writing it and reliving those magical months from February until June of 1970 on the high plateau that was cut through by the Rio Grand north of the town of Taos New Mexico. I wasn't  there very long at all chronologically but it was as though I'd passed a lifetime on the mesa at Morningstar and it was a memory that was beginning to fade before I wrote the novel, A Time Ago and Then. I also thought that some of these people might still be around and hoped that they would enjoy reading the experience of light and joy from one of the those who merely passed through Morningstar East.

     It was in trying to build a model of The Kiva that inspired me to write this memoir and it was in seeking out photos of Morningstar New Mexico that I made contact with Pam Hanna (Read). This was one of those serendipitous things because, unknown to me at the time, it was her then husband, Larry Read, that came up with the design for the Kiva. My model shows eight timbers but I was to find out from Pam that it was actually ten timbers that made up the self-supporting architecture of the roof. The hole it covered was dynamited out of the hard soil and then the tiers were dug out by hand below an adobe brick wall of a few feet that circled the hole. The wall had placed in it windows made of wine bottles planted there for stained glass lighting that made the Kiva a small cathedral. A non-supporting pole with steps cut in it went through the hole at the center of the roof to the ground for entering and exiting.

     There are plenty pics of the shelters in the original Morningstar West in Sonoma County but I still have not been able to find many pictures of the pueblo, or magical Kiva, at Morningstar New Mexico. Though I have a good memory of the Kiva, I only have a vague idea of how the actual pueblo was laid out in detail other than it was a triangle arrangement with about three rooms in each wing. One wing on the north side stood alone but the two other wings were joined in a sideways V with the south wing positioned east/west. In the midst of these was a small plaza where the grain grinder became the communal place to pick up on whatever was going on. There was also an adobe oven outside...maybe twenty feet to the north and on the east side of the pueblo where flat-breads and so on were baked. I am hoping someone will help me round out this short memoir before I go to publishing it.

     I call this memoir a romance because, in on sense, it is a love story. In another more classical concept of a romance it is a faded looking back to an ideal memory. It is painterly romantic for the beauty and powerful landscape it all takes place in. It romanticizes the people to some degree because I remember so little that I give only a glazed over perspective of their most positive qualities in my memoir. I do so because I've heard enough about the negative aspects of communal attempts at creating an alternative social and spiritual reality. The influence of psychedelic drugs, the misuse and positive use of them, had to be touched on, however, because so much that drove us all to the high mesa above Arroyo Hondo had to do with a spiritual quest that opened our minds via LSD and other mind-altering natural substances. The negativity of my own alcoholism was featured too because I felt the need to explain why I couldn't stay there and had to move on. It is all covered in this blog that I used as a rough draft.

Willingness

WWJD

I’m sure, for instance, that I ought to seek out the finest definition of humility that is possible for me to envision. This definition doesn’t have to be absolutely perfect --- I am only asked to try. Suppose I choose one like this: “Perfect humility would be a state of complete freedom from myself, freedom from all the claims that my defects of character now lay so heavily on me. Perfect humility would be a full willingness, in all times and places, to find and do the will of God.”

The Best of Bill:

Humility, pp. 49-49

~

It was a fad for a time for all good Christian kids to wear a bracelet with the letters, “WWJD”…publicly, but in a somewhat arcane manner, asking, “What would Jesus do?” I admit that I silently scoffed at the false pride and submission to social pressure of this display that is just subversive enough to appeal to a teenager’s desire to belong to a cause or a group. However, it does beg the question, “How willing and ready am I to open my mind to the direction of the Heart of Compassion?” Does that willingness give the panhandler a buck or is that willingness better shown via a sandwich bought at a nearby deli and then slipping it to the mendicant without fanfare. I know… I know… I want to tell the cute deli cashier about what I’m going to do with the sandwich… I know… I know, I want to run to my sponsor or someone in the Fellowship and tell someone… anyone, about my gratuitous act. But the willingness to keep it to myself and to let go of pride works better for me. A new strength in knowing my own convictions arises from my heart and I give with a peace of mind beyond all that malarkey.

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The Flip-Side of Pride

Today I think I can trace a clear linkage between my guilt and my pride. Both of them were certainly attention-getters. In pride I could say, “Look at me, I am wonderful.” In guilt I would moan, “I’m awful.” Therefore guilt is really the reverse side of the coin of pride. Guilt aims at self-destruction, and pride aims at the destruction of others,
    This is why I see humility for today as that safe and secure stance midway between these violent emotional extremes. It is quiet place where I can keep enough perspective, and enough balance, to take my next small step up the clearly marked road that points toward eternal values.

The Best of Bill:

Humility, p. 47

~

Guilt is a step beyond, but related to, false humility. False humility is easily spotted by anyone I am trying to help. My pride can be easily discerned; therefore, honesty is the best policy but honesty is a goal that is hard to reach if I suffer self-delusion. Guilt is one of those multilayered motivating factors that color many of my actions I take when I think such actions are on the behalf of another. I.e., serving Thanksgiving Dinner from behind a table at the local homeless shelter is a good thing no matter what the motivation but to do so to salve the guilt would work against me. It is best to resolve guilt in private before taking a position there and to forgive myself of pride rather than smugly standing in service. I know from personal experience that many on the receiving end of such gratuitous actions are cynical about the motives of those who have given time and effort at doing so. When I stand with ladle in hand to dish out the gravy I am better off doing so in the spirit of humility. I can do so if I resolve guilt before serving.

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Drop the Mask

Because in our culture we overvalue the intellect, we imagine that to become enlightened demands extraordinary Intelligence. In fact, many kinds of cleverness are just further obscurations. There is a Tibetan saying: “If you are too clever, you could miss the point entirely.”
    Patrul Rinpoche said: “The logical mind seems interesting, but it is the seed of delusion.” People can become obsessed with their own theories and miss the point of everything. In Tibet we say: “Theories are like patches on a coat, one day they just wear off.”

Glimpse After Glimpse

Sogyal Rinpoche

~

People get all messed up on the damnedest theories and labeling: I know I have because, at one time or another, I’ve described myself as a Marxist; Democrat; Republican; Democratic Socialist; a Back-to-the-Earth-Free Land commune member; peace activist; anti-nuke activist; a Free Market Capitalist; Atheist; Agnostic; Born-again Christian; Buddhist; Anarchist; alcoholic, addict; and anything but a human being. Everything I took the label of made fore an intricate weave of ideals and propositions creating a veil that shielded me from seeing my own face. The mask of the true believer is profoundly illusionary. I suppose that the only thing I can say about myself is that I haven’t been afraid to flip over the cow-turds to see what was on the other side.

    I have watched enough folks go to their death bed with ideals such as these and seen them shed it all as the hour approached. Even Jesus Christ is said to have called out: “My God, why have you abandoned me?” and, for the simple truth expressed by this cry, it is the most potent one of all the Gospels. The real work I have been presented is to drop the mask and to actually see who is there.

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I Can Still Dream

It is your duty to God to run your life on intelligent lines. God gives us all as much intelligence as we can possibly need, but unfortunately, in most cases we use very little of it.
….The world needs more intelligence. There is plenty of will, but because people will not use enough intelligence, mankind everywhere is in difficulties. Your intelligence is the light of God in your soul.
Excerpts from:
Around the Year
With Emmet Fox, p. 317
~

Intelligent misuse of the space between my ears is what has caused me the most problems in my life. I thought that I was a special human being that could disregard what others did. I might have even looked down my nose at those who worked for financial security at jobs they hated. I went through life dreaming of the “Big Break” … my talents being discovered… or even winning the lottery. None of my desires had anything to do with practical and intelligent plans or work towards the goal of financial security for myself. Then, as I approached the last quarter of my life, I sunk into a depression, bemoaning my life, thinking it was too late to do anything about it.

    I can be despondent all I want, but the truth is, I still have something to offer the world. All I have to do is tap into it and use what God has given me between my ears and follow my heart. It takes work… but I have a vast resource in accumulated experience from my past that can become assets. I can still strive towards financial security but isn’t it better that I still follow my bliss to the end? If I seek out ways to tap into the creative source and die trying, isn’t that better than to go to the end comfortable… able to be put on a life support system as I pass? No, I choose to dream, but I can accept that it isn’t the most intelligent use of my brain.
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Beyond Wisdom

…. we have found that the actual good results of prayer are beyond question. They are matters of knowledge and experience. All those who have persisted have found strength not ordinarily their own. They have found wisdom beyond their usual capability. And they have increasingly found a peace of mind which can stand firm in the face of difficult circumstances.

Twelve Steps
And Twelve
Traditions, p. 104

~

Prayer helps me through my day… and I believe that it works no matter how much or what I believe about, or in, God. Simply reciting prayer in a liturgical sense puts my mind on a higher plane. As I recite, for instance, the Prayer of Saint Francis, my mind picks up on the attitude of the prayer; that where there is hatred, I bring love; that where there is wrong, I bring the spirit of forgiveness; that where there is discord, I may bring harmony; that where there is error, I may bring truth; that where there is doubt, I may bring faith; that where there is despair, I may bring hope; that where there are shadows, I may bring light; that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
    This prayer in particular also provides a simple check list of my behavior and what I need to ask for regarding strength in improving the shortcomings this prayer highlights. It also points out some very practical ways to make the proper adjustments; to  seek help in giving comfort rather than desiring to be comforted; in understanding rather than demanding I be understood; to act compassionately rather than wasting time and energy pining for love. Then, as I sit to meditate, these troubles fade away and my heart opens, if only a crack, to the Heart of Compassion. I call it, Beyond Wisdom.
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A Symphony

Someone said that living life is like playing a violin solo in public and learning to play the instrument as we go along. This saying describes the experience very well, but no one should worry about that. We are all in this world for exactly that purpose --- to learn.
    While we are learning we do not expect to produce a perfect work. On this plane we are all students, and what matters is that each year we shall find the quality of our workmanship definitely better. People are sometimes depressed because their lives do not present a simple, logical, harmonious unfoldment, because their histories seem to be full of inconsistencies, repetitions, dead ends. This, however, is only to be expected during the learning period.
    Your life has not been rehearsed. It is an adventure, and discovery, and a training, and it is the final goal that matters.
    And let us not be weary in welldoing: for in due season shall we reap, if we faint not (Galatians 6.9).

Around the Year
with Emmet Fox, p.315

~

Jascha Heifetz

Looking at my life I might ask, “So what of us old farts entering the final stretch of our lives and have nothing to show for it? When I was a young man I had dreams and potential that seems to have been squandered. What then, do I live out the rest of my life in regret, or do I try to do something about it to turn in harbor this great lumbering ship of my life around?"

    What of us who seemed to have never been able to get anything but ear shattering squeaks and squawks from this instrument’s strings? To take the metaphor to another level, do I give up or can I find some other instrument that works better for me? Life doesn’t present us with one linear way of working this out. Some of the greatest minds in every field have not been appreciated until long after their candle had burned out. They chose to play a different tuba. Evolution shows that we are a symphony with six and a half billion instruments and this consists of, not only the great soloists (Jascha Heifetz comes to mind), but those whose parts are mostly anonymous in the grand harmonics of the scheme of things.

    My life, excepted as it is and regretted for what it could have been, is to strive on as best I can as an instrument of the Heart of Compassion. It isn’t really up to me to decide what is best now because I yield all of that to the Conductor.

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Meditation/Recovery

Often people ask me: “How long should I meditate? And when? Should I practice twenty minutes in the morning and in the evening, or is it better to do several short practices during the day>” Yes, it is good to meditate for twenty minutes, though it is not to say that twenty minutes is the limit. I have not found in the scriptures any reference to twenty minutes; I think it is a notion that has been contrived in the West, and I call it Meditation Western Standard Time.

    The point is not how long you meditate; the point is whether the practice actually brings you to a certain state of mindfulness and presence, where you are a little open and able to connect with your heart essence. And five minutes is of far greater value than twenty minutes of dozing.

Glimpse After Glimpse:

Sogyal Rinpoche

~

Meditation ought to come easy but that is not the case for most people who have been through the mill of drugs and alcohol. This is true especially for those who have been using meth or crack for several years. Starting out on this adventure can be daunting but it is an essential part of recovery and, if we try to pass it by or sell it short, we are in for a rougher road.

     First of all, I didn’t start meditating because I was trying to become a super guru. I began meditation practice because I needed peace of mind. Peace of mind and mindfulness are not exactly the same creature. Peace of mind was needed because I had several decades of guilt and shame to settle if I was ever going to be usefully mindful of others. Meditation isn’t about thinking my way into mindfulness either. Mindfulness is the result of taking the action of sitting with myself once I’ve done some work in the previous Steps of the program.

     The previous Steps are actions… self examination and participating in resolving the outward conflicts the damage my drinking caused others. I can see the reasoning behind placing the Eleventh Step after I had done so; i.e., making a preliminary attempt and atoning for the harm I had done others. Once I did that it was easier to sit with myself and to allow the creative energy of the Heart of Compassion to guide me. I can sit with myself in the morning and I can abide throughout the day with the peace of mindfulness. As I make peace with others I make peace with God and, most importantly, I make peace with myself.

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The Tethers of Lust

Where there is great Lust, are the fetters of man.

Hundred Thousand Songs:

Selections From Milarepa,

Poet Saint of Tibet

Now about sex. Many of us needed an overhauling there But above all, we tried to be sensible on this question. It is so easy to get off the track. Here we find human opinions running to the extremes --- absurd extremes perhaps. One set of voices cry that sex is a lust of our lower nature, a base necessity of procreation. Then we have the voices who cry for sex and more sex; who bewail the institution of marriage; who think that most of the troubles of the race are traceable to sex causes. They think that we do not have enough of it, or that it isn’t the right kind. They see its significance everywhere. One school would allow man no flavor for his fare and the other would have us all on a straight pepper diet. We stay out of this controversy.
    We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it.
    In this way we tried to shape a sane and sound ideal for our own future sex life. We subjected each relation to this test --- was it selfish or not? We asked God to mold our ideals and help us live up to them. We remembered always that our sex powers were God-given and therefore good, neither to be used lightly or selfishly nor to be despised and loathed.
Alcoholics Anonymous, pp. 68-69

I have nothing to add to the big Book on this subject. Because of what I had to do to relieve myself from the bondage of my own proclivities, I can see what Milarepa was talking about and I can see why he attributed lust to be a tether of humankind.

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Fetters of the Beast

Where there is great ignorance, are the fetters of the beast.

Hundred Thousand Songs

Selections of Milarepa:

Poet Saint of Tibet 

~

There was a time when I would read a statement like this and suppose that it is about all the others and surely not me. But, of course, this would be wrong because I now know that the beast is never too far from me and ignorance awaits in every situation… every choice I have to make… and every time I take a toxin in the form of drugs or alcohol… when I rely on religious or political dogma… or the accumulation of material satisfactions to salve the pain of the realization of my suffering… I too can become driven by hatred and avarice… irritable and annoyed at the call of the awakening.

    The sage said that life is a veil of tears and desire is the cause of all suffering. It is important that I acknowledge this and proceed to do something about it. Ignorance of this fact does nothing to alleviate it (in this case ignorance is not bliss) and once I understand this, the veil of ignorance fades. As I practice meditation, the beast recedes and awakening goes past the suffering into a blissful peace. No longer being bowled over by circumstance, and taking action on it, I enter into the realm of the Heart of Compassion. As I practice, I begin to open up to a state of mind in which I intuitively know what once baffled me. Putting my own house in order takes me to a place where God is able to become more than an abstract concept into a dynamic personal relationship.

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The Antidote for Avarice

Where there is great avarice, are the fetters of the tortured spirits.

Hundred Thousand Songs of Milarepa,
Poet Saint of Tibet

~

Avarice amounts to an uncomfortable longing for that which can never be attained. Acceptance is the antidote for avarice. I can’t see through to the enlightened mind if I am in bondage to my desires. Desire is another word for it… unattainable desire. What am I willing to give?  I can’t look at reaching out with an open hand as a duty or a sacrifice. In order to be affective, my hand has to have no strings attached to what it offers. Love is how acceptance is activated. The Heart of Compassion sees all, knows all and is the rhythm of release. To dance with life… to come away from being a wallflower and to participate in richness and diversity of life… to let go and let God… to mourn in victory and rejoice in defeat, is the sage’s advice.

On yesterday’s election: This is a time for healing for the other forty-nine percent of the country… to see where the other side is right and to accept the criticism as constructive wherever it is, does not translate not to accepting where the other side is wrong. Where we agree is more important than where we disagree. To be gracious in victory is to see that we all want what is best for our children. To be gracious in defeat it to see where we can also be helpful for the future.

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The First Tether: Hatred

Where there is great hatred, are the fetters of hell.

~

     For many of my good friends, today is a day of high anxiety; the air is thick with anticipation, even a good deal of fear, for the results of the election. To understand karma is often thought of as a wavy-gravy way of thinking about life after death but, even though to some it is just that, karma is a practical and useful way of coping with anxiety through mindfulness. The calm serenity needed for clarity translates in a very utilitarian way for dealing with the polarized political forces moving the electorate as we watch the votes get tallied from State to State. No matter whether I am voting Republican or Democrat, it is most important that I am voting positively and not negatively. Emotionally detached, whether or not I agree with either candidate… incumbent or challenger, the results are left to karma. I know I have done so when I can refer to the winner as Mr. President rather than the man; because, in the end, whoever wins that office, soon realizes that this title has a weight and responsibility that transcends personality. I believe that this is why, for good or bad, every single president we’ve ever had leaves the office with grey hair. Even if every cell in my body opposes the principles the man represents, respect for the office is accepted if I am in tune with karma.

    I didn’t say it would be easy to do so but it is essential for emotional balance. The fetters of hell are composed by links of hatred and this karma tells me to be as gracious in winning as I am humbled by losing. Understanding karma is how this is accomplished.

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Six Tethers

Where there is great hatred, are the fetters of hell.
Where there is great avarice, are the fetters of the tortured spirits.
Where there is great ignorance, are the fetters of beasts.
Where there is great lust, are the fetters of man.
Where there is great envy, are the fetters of the demigods.
Where there is great pride, are the fetters of the gods.
These are the six fetters of non-liberation.

HUNDRED THOUSAND SONGS:
SELECTIONS FROM MILAREPA,
POET SAINT OF TIBET

~

It is easy to see where great hatred can only end badly for me.
It is only a bit more difficult to see where avarice… to covet what others have that is beyond my reach can stir up and torture my spirit.
And, as for ignorance, it seems almost like bliss to most of those I know.
And great lust does define what most of us are about; up to a certain age at any rate.
Envy and avarice… well, I admit I thought they were the same but there seems to be a ranking here… one for tortured spirits and one for demigods. Could he be speaking of greed for one and hoarding for another?
Then there is pride… oh, pride, I can see where that would bind a god.

So, I’m obviously confused about these six and will give them some thought: One a day.

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Reckless Abandon

 

"You try to get up as close to the eye of it as you can, and you stay down in the southeast quadrant, and when it stops, you stop, you don't want to get in front of it, you want to stay behind it, but you also get a good ride out of a hurricane," said Walbridge, 63.

 The body of Robin Walbridge, the Bounty's captain for 17 years, was not found by Coast Guard rescue teams.

Los Angeles Times

Nov. 02, 2012

A hurricane can be seen coming. People can heed the warnings… the alerts often a week ahead of time. It is always fascinating to me that some prefer to stay and weather out the storm regardless of the warnings. Of course, we almost universally tag those who choose to do so as fools and we’ll mutter from our breakfast nooks on the other side of the continent pious proclamations about life being more important than property and so on. But I believe that there is something more substantial going on in these often fatal decisions.

     Does anyone remember Harry Truman (not our 33rd President)? No, I mean the character with a lodge on Spirit Lake directly in the path of the pyroclastic flow aimed, like a shotgun at a hillbilly wedding, directly in the face of poor Harry from the soon to explode, Mount Saint Helen. In spite of warnings and rumblings, people like ole Harry have a few things in common that I can see in my own outlook on life when, in spite of warnings, I stay… sometimes to stand my ground and at other times to simply stand.
    
     I can remember doing so on several occasions: with my drinking; with my smoking; and with a failed marriage… these were out of obstinate denial more so than anything else. Akin to the mythological Custer commanding his troops to, “Take no prisoners!” such denial can likewise prove just as fatal. For some, however, it is merely resignation to the overwhelming realization that life is a crap shoot anyway and that we are all going to end up the same way against the ultimate egalitarian democracy of death. There is this desire to live life as fully as one can in the face of sheer terror that is the force surging through some of us who would be considered risk-takers by the more staid. To stand on a deck with everything nature can throw in my face… I almost envy those who perish in such a manner. I believe it is a love of life that compels us in times of great peril… a love of life that goes beyond rational thought and the security of the nest. I can only imagine the exhilaration of an eaglet spreading its wings and dropping from the aerie for the very first time… A life assured of no such risk is no life at all to me. Reckless abandon is not the same as taking calculated risks.

     Am I a fool for feeling this way?

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     P.S.
     Captain Walbridge might have been deluded by his own sense of superiority over the sea after skippering the Bounty for over a decade through much higher seas. The sad part of it is that he allowed his ego to risk the lives of his crew. To the friends and family of Claudene Christian... my condolences.
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Simplicity

   It is hard to live with the concept of simplicity when there are so many distractions and needs that have to be met. I.e., it is nearly impossible to function at all without being connected to I-phones or a laptop. These devices are sometimes obsolete within a year! And, as soon as a new one comes out, there are lines of campers a block long waiting at the door for the first new one.

   Does the concept of simplicity demand that I live without these things? Look, simplicity doesn’t mean I go to the mountain cave and escape the world. The world of commerce forces me to participate in it. Simplicity is taking the middle path. There is nothing wrong with entertainment and jumping into the mosh-pit for a good slam dance every once in a while… participation in society requires a certain amount of release.

   I have needs though; a roof over my head; some food on my table; some clothes on my back. Those are the material things I need, however, there are a few more that verge on the material but have a spiritual basis. I do need love and love means that I have to get in the mix. I’ve tried to live without love and it doesn’t work. I have found that I have to give it in order to receive it. When I speak of love I’m speaking of a deep seated need for fellowship of some kind. In order to be a productive part of any fellowship I have to have something to offer others. This requires that I have enough emotional stability to reach out and give a helping hand. For some it translates in material terms such as donating money for food and housing for the less fortunate. For others it means volunteering to help out in food kitchens or simply a kind word to someone who suffers.

   Simplicity is about taking the most direct path to sanity. Accumulating stuff can be about diverting me from the path to this reality… the reality is that I do need others for my own sanity and this sanity requires that I find emotional balance. It can mean something as simple as looking up from my laptop or I-phone for one minute to ask, “Hello, how are you?” to the guy sitting next to you in the coffee-shop. That might be the most spiritual thing I will do that day.

   Well, I don’t have an I-phone or a laptop but I do put a fence around myself with the daily crossword puzzle.

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