An Honest Atonement Plea

TWELVE STEPS

 AND

TWELVE TRADITIONS

STEP NINE

(p. 83)

After we have made the list of people we have harmed, have reflected carefully upon each instance, and have tried to possess ourselves of the right attitude in which to proceed, we still see that the making of direct amends divides those we should approach into several classes. 1. There will be those who ought to be dealt with just as soon as we become reasonably confident that we can maintain our sobriety. 2. There will be those to whom we can make only partial restitution, lest complete disclosure do them or others more harm than good. 3. There will be other cases where action ought to be deferred, and still others in which by the very nature of the situation we shall never be able to make direct personal contact at all.

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This concept was easy to understand when I watched what brought down most of my friends. I saw them get sober a week or two and immediately proclaim that they had made amends to their families, friends, employers or enemies... only to have gone on a bender and had to make amends to these people all over again. Often met with doubt and distrust, they became discouraged and some even gave up. I made damned sure I wouldn't make the same mistake. The simple fact that we have to get sober for our own benefit first escapes those of us whose primary motivation is to please wife, children, employers or friends. I am sober today because, even though I had a sincere desire to make good with those I love, I had to be able to stand on my own two feet first. Understanding that the people we have harmed deserve a sincere effort to mend the damage we have done and that any sincere effort has to be bolstered by a sane mind and even disposition. After all, those I love had heard me say "I'm sorry" repeatedly, long before I understood at all what an honest atonement plea entails.

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