Peacock Displays of Propriety

TWELVE STEPS

AND

TWELVE TRADITIONS

STEP SIX

(P. 66)

Even then the best of us will discover that there is always a sticking point, a point at which we say, "No, I can't give this up yet." And we shall often tread on even more dangerous ground when we cry, "This I will never give up!" No matter how far we have progressed, desires will always be found which oppose the grace of God.

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When I read passages such as these, I concluded that these folks in AA were simply taking on the aspects of the kind Puritanism that repulsed me in the first place. In truth, I felt I'd rather hang out with wet drunks than prigs such as these. I am still put-off by self-flagellating excesses of some of my fellows. I get so tired of hearing, "I'm not perfect by any means, but…" and then forced to listen as they proceed with a litany of petty shortcomings. I am tempted to say to those who recite these mea culpas, "Damn, get me outa here and pour me a beer!"

            Obstinate resistant to the Heart of Compassion is another matter altogether. I don't care if my brother smokes, or drinks if at his core he is kind and just. I don't care whether or not my sister in sobriety fails again and again at various misdemeanors against her libido if her heart is right. I know that I can mistake moral perfection for compassion and it is possible to indulge in every form of low behavior from character assassination to sexual predation while fooling myself into believing I am "working the Steps". I got sober because I had nowhere else to turn and not because I wanted to boast and parade my days and years of sobriety.

            Peacock displays of propriety don't impress me as much as a gentle heart and kind disposition. The reality is that it is an inside job and the only way these failures can be overcome is to surrender them to a Power greater than myself. My success along these lines is not for public consumption but for personal satisfaction.

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