An Honest Inventory

THE TWELVE STEPS

 AND

TWELVE TRADITIONS

STEP FOUR

(p. 53)

But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends, and society at large that many of us have suffered the most…

…Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist upon dominating the people we know, or we depend upon them too much. If we lean too heavily on people, they will sooner or later fail us, for they are human too, and cannot possibly meet our incessant demands….

…When we habitually try to manipulate others to our own willful desires, they revolt, and resist us heavily. Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of persecution, and a desire to retaliate. As we redouble our efforts to control, and continue to fail, our suffering becomes acute and constant.

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Bill W. put it best when he wrote (As Bill Sees It, p. 111), "We react more strongly to frustrations than normal people." I know several people who are social drinkers that simply don't have this character trait and don't obsess over what, how, or why other people do to them and just accept their loved ones' character defects. These are not sick souls. Of course, one doesn't have to be an alcoholic or an addict to be somewhat of a sick soul… but the healthier (and it is a relative term),emotionally balanced, don't seem to be affected to the degree we are.

            As I took my first honest inventory… looking back through the emotional turmoil of a lifetime of denial, I can see where my behavior went from the sanguine to passive aggression… trying to be at the top of the heap or hiding under it. Once I became willing to see myself as I am the humility of acceptance gradually began to work its way into my relationships with family, friends and even my political and social beliefs. In short, I stopped making demands of others and began seeking solutions within my own heart… seeing others (except, perhaps, the very worst among us, incapable of compassion)… as children of the same dynamic Spirit of the Universe.

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