Accepting the Label

Tuesday, September 24, 2013:

I hated the idea that I had to accept a label of any kind and, to me, alcoholism was just another label… or even an excuse. I told myself I just had a temporary drinking problem and that, if I applied the proper amount of will power, I could control and once more enjoy drinking. I certainly didn’t want to join a group of pathetic losers that sat around and commiserated with each other about their powerlessness. Furthermore, if I really needed it, I could take prescription drugs to help ease the periods between drinking bouts. I considered opiates to be a great relief from my drinking problem and that, if they were more available, I could refrain from drinking long enough to restore my life. It was an established fact of my experience that I could go long periods between drinks… even a week or two… with medications. Medicinal marijuana wasn’t around then but I did use pot as a medicine too. When I wasn’t drinking I thought that opiates made me feel good and helped me to function on the job and in social situations. It was a vicious circle in which I needed more and more to feel like I could cope. I had no idea, except for a haunting suspicion in the back of my mind, that I was acting quite insane and that “normal” people didn’t have to be “on something” at all times.

            We often hear people talk about hitting bottom and we naturally think that hitting bottom has to be a dramatic event or situation in which we find ourselves hospitalized, imprisoned or on the street homeless. It is weird but an alcoholic or an addict can adjust to these predicaments easily. Hitting bottom essentially means we came to a point, in my case and many others, at which nothing worked for us. We tried religion; we tried medications; we tried self-will; we tried getting away from places a friends; we tried everything but surrendering to a power great enough to relieve our addictions and surrendering to a program of the Twelve Steps, with a Fellowship, to sustain that commitment. I didn’t become an alcoholic until I surrendered my will, not only to my understanding of God, but to the whole concept and accepted the experience of my fellows in the program.

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