I believed that my problems
were limited to drinking and drug abuse. I was 52 years of age and thought of
myself as mature in every way but for a few matters directly related to my
addictions. I figured that I’d put away the bottle go on to a creative and productive
life. However, I found that I didn’t have the slightest clue as to how
frightenly unbalanced a lifetime of self-will had wrought my spirit in terms of
emotional balance. Sometimes I felt that I was actually better off emotionally
when I drank. When I quit drinking I wasn’t zapped into maturity but was led to it at the speed of
emotional pain.Through meditation I became able to sit with myself and let the healing begin. Previous to arriving here the steps towards reaching inside and thoroughly addressing where my part in my troubles held me back... these drove me. I found that I had to take care not to blame others and then I shared these defects of character with another human being. This salved the sting of guilt and shame hidden in the dark corners of my soul and opened up those festering wounds to the light of the spirit. After wading through that swamp it was only a matter of allowing God to do for me what I could not do for myself. Am I the paradigm of emotional balance now? I have to sit on that one.
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