Daily Meds: Mon. Oct. 31, 2011

Oh, sweet samsara, where would I be without it? Is it possible that, without suffering, I might never have been compelled to launch out on this path of discovery? When I talk about my character defects, more often than not, I am boasting of my failure to do something about them. When I also make sure that my friends know every detail of my suffering, am I not just as proud of how miserable I am? The most amazing people I have ever met are those I meet in the V. A. Hospital. Some of these vets have no legs… blown off by IED’s with severe brain injuries and blind. Yet, they are there in the rehab rooms working on themselves with a sense of humor and camaraderie that inspires more than it shames me.

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October 30th

Hell, I wasn’t even a good drunk. It didn’t really matter to me then whether or not I drank perfectly… oh, I suppose I might have attempted to be a connoisseur; i.e., good beer, fine wines or fifty year-old scotches, at one time in the distant past but, especially in the last twenty years of my drinking, I preferred plain ole Budweiser and Jack Daniels. That was as sophisticated as I wished to get towards the end. It didn’t matter to me because I drank for the affect.

Today, in the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous, I strive to be true to myself and not to buy into impressing other people with how well I work the program. After watching so many come and go in the program; most of whom worked it so much better than I, the understanding that, as long as I can face my difficulties with a certain amount of aplomb, and, even failing that, stay sober one day at a time, I’m beating the odds. The bonus comes when I am able to pass on to others this message: I have had a spiritual awakening sufficient to relieve me of the obsession to drink as the result of these Steps. The program is that simple to me.

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