The Wonderful World of Color

Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God (Matthew 5:8).

…We live in God’s world, but we do not in the least know it as it is. Heaven lies all about us --- but because we are lacking in spiritual perception, we are unable to recognize it, to experience it, and, therefore, so far as we are concerned, we nay be shut out of it.
    We are very much in the position of a color-blind man in a beautiful garden. All around him are glorious colors, but he sees only black and whites, and grays….

Around the World

With Emmet Fox, p. 90

 

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The Resurrection of Christ is celebrated this year the day before an unofficial holiday that is of equal importance to me: April Fools Day. It’s not so much out of polemic sarcasm that I relate the two but it is the recognition of the value of each: One, the resurrection, and, two, a day for practical jokes that can humble rather than humiliate us. Rising from the tomb above the black and white world of right and wrong and shades of gray, our Christ within transcends into what Disney called, “the Wonderful World of Color”, and this is what takes place on the Easter of my soul. The world of color on the Easter Egg takes on a new meaning beyond the imaginary world (where the rabbit brings them in a neat basket to our delight as children)… we are reborn and our sight is renewed along with an accurate appraisal of ourselves in the dark tomb. Our holy spirit has rolled away the stone and we have not only seen the light but we have become the light. In that sense, becoming light hearted enough to even rise above the fear of death. Pure in heart, we can then play the fool tomorrow if we so choose… without fear; without contempt; without false pride… a fool* for Christ’s sake.

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*We are fools for Christ's sake, but we are wise in Christ... (I Corinthians 4:10).

Material Success

Yet how painfully do me scheme after wealth, difficult to acquire, easy to dissipate, as that which is got in a dream, how can the wise man hoard up (such trash)?

Fo-Sho-Hing-Tsan-King 867

365 Buddha

Compiled by: Jeff Schmidt

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The top two types of people I can think of that would embrace this thinking are those who have already turned their back on material things for a higher purpose (such as monks, missionaries and some artists or philosophers). Then there are the poor, who pretend they are satisfied with their lot, but dream of striking it rich via the lottery or some other windfall. The poor, who have genuinely accepted their lot in life, are rare. They usually live in places where there is little opportunity to do otherwise. I would advise seeing the documentary “Happy” by Roko Belic for an insight into this perspective.
    We think these examples are sour grapes because most of us would like to get out of the rat-race of living from paycheck to paycheck. There is a spirituality that encourages material success but we rightly see most of the promoters of spiritual materialism as hucksters, hawking feel-good approaches to wealth for the desperate that does little besides stuffing the pockets towards the profit of the prophet. 
   Considering this, in the end, I have to ask myself; how much time did I waste working from Monday to Friday so that I could relax on the weekend and, eventually, retirement? How much time passed as I distracted myself from the inevitable march of time towards death? Pope Francis, regarding this understanding, quotes his mother, “The funeral shroud has no pockets.” He can say this because he is the Pope, but what about us, can I forsake wealth for happiness? Can the awards of love; family, friends and community transcend my needs for power, prestige and profit? I have found it so, but, if I am honest about it, I wouldn’t mind winning the lottery if I could also have the wealth of love in my life. I strongly suspect that, to have all the money in the world and not have love, would be a bleak existence.

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Loving Kindness

It is not proper to watch other people. This will not help your practice. If you are annoyed, watch the annoyance in your own mind. If others' discipline is bad or they are not good monks, this is not for you to judge. You will not discover wisdom watching others. Monk’s discipline is a tool to use for your own meditation. It is not a weapon to use to criticize or find fault. No one can do your practice for you, nor can you do practice for anyone else. Just be mindful of your own doings. This is the way to practice.

Ajahn Chah,

365 Buddha,

Bodhinyana

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It is about kindness… loving-kindness: loving-kindness for others but mostly for my own sake. Just as I am to mind my own business where others are concerned, I am to mind my own business about my own defects of character: note them, check them and let go of them. One of my favorite people in AA says; “It’s none of my business what others think of how I work my program.” This does more than imply the other side of the coin; “It is none of my business how others are working their program.” The Steps and Traditions of AA are for my own protection and development. If ever I think I am above or have transcended such advice, I am in trouble because automatically, by thinking this way, I believe in my heart that the advice is for you and certainly not about me. Can I do this on my own? Is this task too difficult to achieve of my own efforts? It is, but the Heart of Compassion can do anything! Anything! Let the Heart of Compassion envelope my spirit for it to flow outward from my heart.

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The God Equation

Most of us have appreciated the perfection of the universe, the animation of living things, the action of the human mind, and the power of love. These things all seem to denote a dynamic life force that surges through everything around us. This force appears to direct all things harmoniously but irresistibly toward a natural, definite, useful conclusion.
    Is it hard to recognize in this life force a Power greater than ourselves? Do we not sense its creative energy, intelligence, and power? Are human beings not weak and unimportant apart from God’s power?

The Little Red Book,

Step Three, p. 40

A Hazelden Publication

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There is violence, illness, suffering, oppression and, pure as dog-shit evil, in the world along side of the wonders of the glory and beauty of God’s grace. Ignoring the dark side of human experience is to shield my eyes from seeing the whole picture. I must be able to recognize my own defects of character to measure myself accurately. An appraisal of value enables me to see where I can bring love when there is hatred; to bring harmony where there is discord; to bring faith where there is doubt; to bring hope where there is despair; to bring light to the shadows; and to bring joy to the sadness around me. If seen in this light, it is no accident in the narrative to put the darkest night before the liberation of the soul in the Passion Week for Christians and Passover for Jews. Without this insight the universe is a vast chaotic terror of remarkable and random accidents having no meaning or purpose. Once the God Equation is placed within this context, I am miraculously relieved of the bondage of my own perspective. From the smallest sub-atomic vibration to the greatest clash of galaxies, the universe pulses with the measured beat of a cosmic dance I am asked to participate in. So dance to the music!

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The Clown Shoes of Prayer

My Offering to Thee

Each morning I offer my body, my mind, and the ability that I possess, to be used by Thee, O Infinite Creator, in whatever way Thou dost choose to express Thyself through me. I know that all work is Thy work, and that no task is too difficult or too menial when offered to Thee in loving service.

Metaphysical Meditations, p. 7

Paramahansa Yogananda

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There are times I feel as though I am distant from my Creator and have no desire at all to bridge that gap. I don’t have to have any beef against God; I just don’t care to think about these high minded ideals. I don’t want to do any kind of work at all and certainly not take on a sanctified persona to move on. But, because I have made a habit out of prayer and meditation, my mind gradually changes. A man I deeply respect can often be heard to say, “Get the day before the day gets you.” Getting the day means to me to offer it to God before I have a chance to proceed in bad humor. Prayer is important because the act of prayer elevates my mind and meditation follows that with levity. Levity is important because, without a sense of humor, life is a glum struggle. Usually, before I stand and have my first cup of coffee, my mood changes. Gratitude puts a lilt in my voice and I become glad to be alive. I don’t have to put on clown shoes to feel better but it helps… eh?

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Blessed are the Peacemakers

The attitude of peacemaker has become a hallmark of my own spiritual practice because it has opens my mind to the importance of healing rather than dividing where there is controversy. Furthermore, I have found that it is better to mind my own business in situations where healing isn’t possible. These are divisive times as it seems to be a cycle in public discourse… brief periods of accord and prosperity and then the squabbling over the scraps left over when it falls apart once more. Today, reformation seems to have infiltrated every part of our private and public lives. There are those who would stick their noses into our personal lives and dictate what we eat, whether we smoke tobacco in public or pot in private, what choice we have in marriage partners, what kinds of weapons we are allowed, or not allowed, to defend our homes and families, even whether or not we drink 18 ounce sodas! I can’t skirt these issues without compromising my own integrity but, can I still be helpful? Where can I be responsible for my opinions? Can I live my principles rather than preach them and step aside where my opinion will not be helpful? Where can I stand for the oppressed and downtrodden and where must I silently support those who have no voice? Can I respect, without demonizing and dehumanizing, the opinions of others as much as I would have them respect mine and still take a stance? These questions are paramount as I blog or post and a high standard to adhere to, that I slip from on occasion, but, if I am to value my own sanity, I must make the commitment to bringing harmony where there is discord.

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The Kingdom Within

I will seek the kingdom of God in the joy arising from constant, long, deep, continuous meditation. I will consciously seek to find the Lord within, and will not be satisfied with little imaginary inspirations that come from short, restless silences. I will meditate more deeply until I feel His presence.

Metaphysical Meditations:

My beloved Calling Me,

Paramahansa Yogananda

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Short, restless silence is only the beginning… it is but a first step and the trick of meditation … and it is a trick… is to learn to expect nothing of it but the breathing in, and the breathing out, from the center of my restless soul. I am not going to receive anything but imaginary inspirations as long as my mind is cluttered with the manipulative devices of the ego; self-will, conceits, hidden agendas, and make believe fantasies of spiritual power and prestige. There are no strings attached to breathing beyond simply being. Being human is enough for now. Just as this bag of skin that is called George needs to nourish his body with air, light and food, my soul needs to be fed compassion from above until it resonates and is nourished within. I sit here feeling at times ridiculous, accomplishing nothing until I touch the nothingness that is the gate that opens my heart to bliss … the Heart of Compassion’s bliss eternal.

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Perfectionism

Tara: Buddha of Compassion

At the outset of this meditation, it was thought that absolute ideals were far beyond our attainment, or even our comprehension; that we would be sadly lacking in humility if we really felt that we could achieve anything like absolute perfection in this brief span of earthly existence. Such a presumption would certainly be the acme of spiritual pride.
    Reasoning thus, many people will have no truck at all with absolute spiritual values. Perfectionists, they say, are either full of conceit because they fancy they have reached some impossible goal, or else they are swamped in self-condemnation because they have not done so.

The Best of Bill

Humility, p. 48

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I can get philosophical about this question of perfection and ask, what is spiritual perfection? Without going off into my brain to seek out a pure and mathematical answer, the best I can do is to rest on an image of that which is perfect: in practical terms, what is that? Supposing that image is Christ, Buddha or any one of a handful of other embodiments of spiritual and practical ideals, can I make sense of the qualities embodied therein without getting mired in pithy morality?  I’d have to be a mad man to suppose I could ever be equal to any one of these because even the image is an abstract that doesn’t have to do what I must in my daily affairs. Was Christ ever an unable to quit drinking? Or was Buddha ever a junkie? How am I to suppose I could ever attain what they did in their lives?
   
    We witness the behavior of “slippers” and their peculiar behavior; it would be easy to judge them and question why it is that they go back time and time again to self destructive addictions. Wouldn’t it be better to ask, why can’t cripples heal themselves?  The rest of the world might never understand but we who have overcome should know better. How many of us, who have been addicts or alcoholics, would have ever been able to find peace in our lives without a spiritual awakening? I now know that the best I can do for others who suffer is to set aside judgment and to offer the compassion I have been shown. After all, it was the grace of God that got me where I am today and not because I was so damned strong and morally perfect.

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The Absolute Surity of Belief

THE POOR IN SPIRIT

Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 5:3).
    To be the poor in spirit does not in the least mean the thing we call “poor spirited.”  To be poor in spirit means to have emptied yourself of all desire to exercise personal self-will, and, what is just as important, to have renounced all preconceived notions in the wholehearted search for God. It means to be willing to set aside your present habits of thought, your present views and prejudices, your present way of life if necessary; to jettison, in fact, anything and everything that can stand in the way of your finding God.

Around The Year 

With Emmet Fox

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It is absolute surety that flies planes into tall buildings. Really, when I believe I am right and any and everyone that disagrees is somehow spiritually blind or a political dolt, I am in trouble because I have sunk into a quagmire of righteousness that excludes all real communication. This is especially true when I am seeking a connection with this mysterious Higher Power. To believe I have found what others are unsure of, or still seeking, is to cut of the spirit of love and tolerance. The possibility is that those who are seeking God are closer to God than those who are assured that they have already found God. The Spirit of Compassion allows a great deal of latitude and is able to sense we are all children running about, bashing each other heads in (with our words or deeds), and otherwise causing all kinds of oppressive discrimination and dislocation in order to please a cosmic parent that needs no appeasing. The only sacrifice I can see of God isn’t the blood of goats, sheep or any other sentient being (of which most of us think of as barbaric), but the Heart of Compassion calls for us to abandon such silly notions and get on with the full time job of caring for each other. It really is as simple as that.

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The "Sweet Spot"

A BLANKET OF SUNLIGHT

The practice of mindfulness defuses our negativity, aggression, and turbulent emotions, which may have been gathering power over many lifetimes. Rather than suppressing emotions or indulging in them, here it is important to view them --- your thoughts and whatever arises --- with an acceptance and generosity that are as open and spacious as possible. Tibetan masters say that this wise generosity has the flavor of boundless space, so warm and cozy that you feel enveloped and protected by it, as if by a blanket of sunlight.

Glimpse After Glimpse

Sogyal Rinpoche

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I call it “hitting the sweet spot”: like that place on the ball... the golfer whacks it into the air as though it has wings of its own and lands on the green, rolls gently, dropping into the hole with a soft plop. These moments have behind them an element of luck as well as practice. The sweet spot is known and, once there, I am at once addicted to that feeling, that sense of peace and assured safety. Like the metaphor of the golfer; it takes some time on the driving range to be able to get the ball there in the first place. However, there are times when an amateur walks up to the tee for the first time and hits the ball all the way to the green for a hole-in-one. This is the spot I hit the day I fell to my knees, humbled myself… hit the sweet spot of the Heart of Compassion and was enveloped in a “blanket of sunlight”. From there on I knew that the grace of God is always available to me if I practice my swing... aimed with humility and willingness to step out into the world following the lead of God’s will. While the ball doesn’t always drop in the hole for a hole-in-one every time I tee up... or even get to the green, from there on; whether I hit a sand-trap or it takes a dozen strokes, I move with confidence and a sense of humor… the Heart of Compassion is with me.

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Let's Go Shopping!

The most important thing is not to get trapped in what I see everywhere in the West, a “shopping mentality”: shopping around from master to master, teaching to teaching, without any continuity or real, sustained dedication to any one discipline. Nearly all the great spiritual masters of  all traditions agree that the essential thing is to master one way, one path to the truth, by following one tradition with all your heart and mind to the end of the spiritual journey, while, of course, remaining open and respectful toward the insights of all others. In Tibet we used to say: “Knowing one, you accomplish all.” The modern faddish idea that we can always keep all our options open and so never need commit ourselves to anything is one of the greatest and most dangerous delusions of our culture, and one of ego’s most effective ways of sabotaging our spiritual search.

Glimpse After Glimpse,

Sogyal Rinpoche

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Single-mindedly, I focus my meditation on “loving kindness” and walk away from my session with an elevated perspective that dwindles as the day wears me down. However, as I practice, my mind adapts reflexively to it and gradually it becomes the first reflex rather than the second or third when confronted with a problem or an annoying situation.

    My greatest challenge was when I dealt with bureaucracy. The slightest delay or insane question on a form would set me off on a rage. But, as I practice with singleness of purpose, I have found love and tolerance gradually becomes first. Had I been shopping around; seeking spiritual power towards wealth, healing… even these along side of the mindfulness of loving kindness… instead of the single-purpose of one path, I would most likely have reacted to old tapes. 

    The other day I was being examined by a doctor evaluating my VA claim for a service related back injury. One of the questions on the doctor’s form asked: “After diagnoses, would you recommend amputation?” No kidding! It is peculiar that at one time I might have most probably gone away seething… seeing little humor in the question… but instead I asked Bon-Bon, “Do you have any need the lower half of my body?” and the three of us laughed. It felt good to laugh.

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What’s not being taught about the Iraq war

What’s not being taught about the Iraq war

Forgiveness: A Healing Salve

LOVE AND TOLERANCE

Love and tolerance of others is our code.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84

I have found that I have to forgive others in all situations to maintain any real spiritual progress. The vital importance of forgiving  may not be obvious to me at first sight, bur my studies tell me that every great spiritual leader has insisted strongly upon it.

I must forgive injuries, not just in words, or as a matter of form, but in my heart. I do this not for the other person’s sake, but for my own sake. Resentment, anger, or the desire to see someone punished, are things that rot my soul. Such things fasten my troubles to me with chains. They tie me to other problems that have nothing to do with my original problem.

DAILY REFLECTIONS, p. 88

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Forgiveness is the most difficult spiritual concept of all for me because it can be the most subtle in its snares. This is especially so in matters of the heart where letting go is the hardest. Strings there are attached, buried so deep that it takes some effort to dig them up and cut them off. Speaking from personal experience, I thought that all I had to do was to say I forgive my ex and that would be it. Then I thought that when I saw my part in our separation and divorce, I would no longer have these very private feelings of rage and despair whenever an incident would remind me of something she did, or didn't do, so very long ago. Resentment stewed and sometimes surfaced in whatever relationship I was in at the time and, even though I could see the beast up front and personal, it still had a grip on most of my affairs. This business of forgiving from the heart takes commitment to every aspect of it and persisting in forgiving others as well as my self. The healing begins in the wholehearted and enduring practice of forgiveness. 

   A touch from the Heart of Compassion brought about by prayer and, especially, meditation helps but it takes time to root it out. I then begin to prefer to think back on all  wonderful gifts she brought into my life; like the birth of our daughter,intelligent conversation at the dinner table, the love we once had for each other and thousands of good qualities we shared. Then, instead of hating her, I am reminded of the love I had for her when we stood at the altar and the resentment recedes. The adage that says time heals all wounds holds true in direct proportion to the quality of care I give it. Forgiveness mustn't be a bandage but it must be a salve to help heal.

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The Murky Fog

After groping around the murky fog of rebellion, stinking thinking, and despair, we will come up with our answers. Honest and sincere as we try to make them, they are usually most confusing. When we overlook the fact that we are ill, it is easy to see only moral offense in our conduct and decide religion is the answer to our problem. But those of us who have tried to exclude A.A. generally end up drunk.
The Little Red Book;
A Hazelden Publication,
Step Three, pp. 36-37

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If religion were enough there would be no drunken preachers, priests and nuns. I know from personal experience that religion worked for a while but with it came a feeling that, because my drinking was morally reprehensible, all I needed was forgiveness and to “sin no more”. This sort of morality and atonement boomeranged into guilt and shame when I eventually returned to old behaviors. The fact was, I found, that these weren’t old behaviors. Returning to drinking and drug use, in spite of the consequences;… lost jobs, ruined relationships, failed marriage… and on and on, were all signs of denial of a mental illness that wasn’t being treated. Once in AA I began to see the layers of self-deceit unravel and I took the first steps on the road to recovery. I had turned my will and life over to a Higher Power before but I had always took that will back because I had no program that would assure that I wouldn’t do so. The Third Step of surrender was followed by a Fourth one, whereby I started to understand that my will and my life had to be turned over to the process if I was ever going to be able to keep the commitment I had made from the altar of despair.
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The Christ/Buddha Beggar

As you continue to meditate on compassion, when you see someone suffer, your first response becomes not mere pity but deep compassion. You feel for that person respect and even gratitude, because you now know that whoever prompts you to develop compassion by his or her suffering is in fact giving you the greatest gift of all, as you are being helped to develop that very quality you need most in your progress toward enlightenment.
That is why we say in Tibet that the beggar who is asking you for money, or the sick, the old woman wringing your heart, may be buddhas in disguise, manifesting on your path to help you grow in compassion and so move toward buddhahood.
Glimpse After Glimpse,
Sogyal Rinpoche

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I admit this is a hard one because there are so many panhandlers in this town that it gets downright annoying to try to get from one place to another on State Street. I suppose a buddha would say that each one offers an opportunity to open up to the Christ within but I have my doubts. There are times I can see that going as far as offering a kind word or smile rather than contempt or pity can be the least compassionate thing I can do. Besides, perhaps it might have been because of my own experience and have been where most of these people are, it was contempt and pity I imagined or saw in the eyes of passers-by that goaded me towards action… action enough to put down the jug and go get a job. There are so many places to find food and shelter in Santa Barbara, I feel relieved of the responsibility to yield to the demands for money that, for the most part, would only perpetuate an unhealthy dependency. However, when I do see someone disabled by mental illness or physical impairment, there is room in my heart for a more apparent display of compassion. The important thing for me is to stay centered and in staying centered comes an ability to see the Christ nature in the buddha before me and to give the most compassionate response to his or her needs. I’m still working on this.
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Egoless-ness

Lifetimes of ignorance have brought us to identify the whole of our being with ego. Its greatest triumph is to inveigle us into believing its best interests are our best interests, and even identifying our very survival with its own. This is a savage irony, considering that ego and its grasping are at the root of all our suffering.
    Yet, ego is so terribly convincing, and we have been its dupe for so long, that the thought that we might ever become egoless terrifies us. To be egoless, ego whispers to us, is to lose all the rich romance of being human, to be introduced to a colorless robot or a brain-dead vegetable.

Glimpse After Glimpse

Sogyal Rinpoche

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   I spent some time, after my discharge from the Navy in 1969, tending goats on the mesa at Morningstar Commune above Arroyo Honda New Mexico. A celebration of some guru’s death or birth  was being held across the other side of town on the mesa above the Rio Grande Gorge at New Buffalo. I can’t remember which guru, or what we were celebrating. It didn’t matter to me back then… the whole idea was that we were celebrating something. We participated in a group meditation in the guru’s honor, the beginning of which, each of us was handed little stick. The middle of the guided meditation paused as the guide told us the stick represented our egos and, when we were ready, we were to burn the stick. I looked at the stick and the more I thought about it the more the idea became repulsive to me because my whole philosophy of life at that time was based on protecting and asserting my ego. Everyone else dutifully went to the fire with their sticks while I stayed seated feeling quite righteous.
    I mention this experience because that incident reminds me of how tricky the ego is. Now the words of the Saint Francis Prayer come to me: “It is by self-forgetting that one finds…” It is so easy to see in that context what it was that burning that stick meant and how easily I was tricked into feeling righteous by hanging on to it. Ohhh… how clever is the monkey mind!

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Dance with the Muse

 THE GOD IDEA

When we saw others solve their problems by a simple reliance upon the Spirit of the Universe, we had to stop doubting the power of God. Our ideas did not work. But the God idea did.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 52

Like a blind man gradually being restored to sight, I slowly groped my way to the Third Step. Having realized that only a Power greater than myself could rescue me from the hopeless abyss I was in; I knew that this was a Power I had to grasp, and that it would be my anchor in the midst of a sea of woes. Even though my faith at that time was miniscule, it was big enough to make me see that it was time for me to discard my reliance on my prideful ego and replace it with the steadying strength that could  only come from a Power greater than myself.

DAILY REFLECTIONS, p. 83

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I try to keep my faith simple by staying with the basics of my own experience and running as far and as fast as I can from preconceived notions of God delivered second hand. If God is anything, God is approachable by anyone, under any and all circumstances, regardless of my character or frame of reference. A mustard seed of faith is all it takes to leap but leap I must… leap where no logic or human power would suffice. And now, after more than a few years, I am faced with problems, albeit quality ones, but they are problems nonetheless. Health and financial difficulties are nothing compared to creative dilemmas. Sometimes I wonder why I bother at all until I step into the realm of the Spirit. Once there, it all makes sense, but before I step into the temple of faith there is no logical reason to go on. Once there, humility and self-forgetting lifts my spirit into the mystery of God. All I have to do is get up and dance with the Muse.

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Tenacity & Courage

Teach me to be tenaciously and cautiously courageous instead of being afraid.

Metaphysical Meditations:

Overcoming Fear and Worry, p. 92

Paramahansa Yogananda

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I once confused buff and bluster for courage and that, most often, sadly ended with blush and blunder. Like the Chihuahua facing off Godzilla, I often stood in harms way where drugs and alcohol were concerned without a care for body and soul. The way it worked for me was that I eventually came to a dead-end where I had nowhere else to turn; where pride kept me from perhaps calling a family member or someone else that could help. My friends no longer took my calls. It was a desperate place to be in and the darkness overwhelming. I haven’t had to venture there since I turned my will and my life over to the Heart of Compassion but I know that fear and the terrors of addiction lurk around the corner should I ever forget. This is a cautious fear and quite useful as it gives me courage to go on past that fear and onto tackling those fears that hold me back. With a cautious courage and tenacity, I find peace in the ability to take appropriate and productive action.

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The Wolf is a Dog without Manners

And so the Steppenwolf had two natures, a human and a wolfish one. This was his fate, and it may well be that it was not a very exceptional one. There must have been many good men who had a good deal of the dog or the fox, or the fish or the serpent in them without experiencing any exceptional difficulties on that account. In such cases the man and the fox, the man and the fish lived together and neither did the other any harm… In the case of Harry, however, it was different. In him the man and the wolf did not go together, they did not help each other, but were in continual and deadly enmity. The one existed solely to harm the other…

Steppenwolf;

Treatise on the Steppenwolf ,

Herman Hesse

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I have a few favorite books that describe my condition perfectly and Steppenwolf is one of them. The fact is I am compelled by forces from within that others seem to have made peace with. Some of the other books that hit the mark for me are; The Marshlands by Andre Gide, On the Road by Jack Kerouac, and the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. These give me the assurance that I am not alone. These are books that only those who are like me can grasp in their entirety because they don’t hedge on my condition. “For example, if Harry, as man, had a beautiful thought, felt a fine and noble emotion, or performed a so-called good act, then the wolf bared his teeth at him and laughed and showed him with bitter scorn how laughable this whole noble show was in the eyes of the beast…”
    For me, it wasn’t enough to quit drinking; I had to do something to tame the beast because I never could kill it. That took more action than putting the plug on the jug. The spiritual way of life had to be completely integrated into every aspect of my life. Others don’t seem to be compelled by forces beyond their comprehension because they, by all appearances, have been born with a tame beast. I have to face the fact, even sober as the proverbial judge; I have been born with the wildest of beasts before anything can be done about my condition and not compare myself with others.

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The Eagle Swoops

Although the result of our actions may not have matured yet, they will inevitably ripen, given the right conditions. Usually we forget what we do, and it is only long afterward that the results catch up with us. By then we are unable to connect them with their causes. “Imagine an eagle,” says Jikme Lingpa, “It is flying, high in the sky. It casts no shadow. Nothing shows that it is there. Then suddenly it spies its prey, dives, and swoops to the ground. And then it drops, its menacing shadow appears.”

Glimpse Afer Glimpse

Sogyal Rinpoche

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Every now and then, whenever my actions lack compassion, I can hear my dear friend, Big Al, saying, “You can do anything you want if you are willing to pay the price for it.” It is fairly easy for seeing the truth in this for felonies and misdemeanors. However, the soaring eagle of karma, for living a self-absorbed life of ego gratification, isn’t always that apparent. There is a price for everything, even as minor as envying celebrities who seem to be able to get away with damned near anything. It seems inconsequential but even this class of envy has its price too. Am I willing to pay the price of living vicariously through the lives of those I see on TMZ? Knowing Big Al’s simple axiom is probably the most valuable realization I could have had for liberating my spirit from the wheel of consequences. Isn’t it better to live a simple life free of the vanity of hoping to win the lottery? Isn’t it more productive to busy my hands with whatever task is before me; to do it well, reaping the rewards of compassion? In work and play, the Heart of Compassion soars unseen. The grace of God has been pictured as an eagle and this eagle's blessings are the result of karma too. It is soaring beyond my limited scope as the eagle swoops down to strike my heart with the sublime and often subtle, bliss of God.

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Healing Light of God

I will plunge the gaze of my faith through the window of the spiritual and baptize my body in the healing light of Christ Consciousness.

Paramahansa Yogananda

Metaphysical Meditations

Healing Light of God, p. 72

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If I were a young and healthy man I could afford all kinds of grand theories about health, pain and suffering. But I have actually lived long enough to experience a broad scope of these and my opinion has changed to some degree. I can suffer physical illness and pain but, if I so choose, pain and illness aren’t the cause of my suffering. I can speak with authority on this subject because I have had my share of each. I.e., as I meditate, my mind is distracted by the soreness that is the result of an injured spine. Instead of being distracted by it, why not give it my full attention? Breathe into it… focus on it… don’t let it get away from the magnifying glass held to concentrate the light of the spirit. One doesn’t have to attain any kind of high spiritual power to do this. I can start from where I am… observing without judgment and self-pity… sending love and light to it… taking it in. Then I act on it. In bodhichitta (awakened mind) practice, we breathe in suffering and exhale healing. If I wish to be relieved of my own suffering, the best plan is to take the experience of my own suffering to foster compassion for those who suffer a similar malady… one cancer patient helping another… one alcoholic talking with another… one combat veteran nodding in agreement with another GI’s experience suffering PTSD. The pain doesn’t necessarily go away but the suffering does. The Heart of Compassion is in the business of miracles and we can expect them if we choose the path of compassion.

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The Now & Choices

Today I have a choice. I might not have much more than that but I do have a choice, and with that choice, comes responsibility. Responsibility for the moment I am in is an awesome realization once I see it for what it is. I thought it meant that I don’t make any plans for the future when I first heard about living in “the now”. In actuality, I have found that everything I do now sets up what happens down the road. Drugs and alcohol were very helpful for taking a break from it. But the real deal was that I was merely taking a break from the responsibility of “the now”. In fact, I wasn’t getting out of my self at all by stupefying and dulling that magnificent organization of neurons that are what is left of my brain. That was merely a vain attempt to avoid it via the insanity and neurosis of such evasion and their consequences. I often wondered at the way others seemed to be able to manage responsibilities; even when they were loaded. Such a break can be good for normal folks who still have an “On and Off” switch that works for them because they seem know how to take care of business regardless. However, that reality wasn’t true for me. I had to recognize that my switch was broken. Furthermore, I came to understand that my broken switch was a blessing because I was just never the type of person who could take care of the business of living in “the now”, loaded or not, and thus I was forced to seriously take the actions that would put me there. This involved a familiar spiritual surrender to a Higher Power that neurotics like me find refreshing and energizing. I doubt that this would have happened otherwise.

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Discretion/Honesty

When life presents us with a racking conflict like this (revealing a harmful truth), we cannot be altogether blamed if we are confused. In fact, our very first responsibility is to admit that we are confused. We may have to confess that, for the time being, we have lost all ability to tell right from wrong. Most difficult too, will be the admission that we cannot be certain of receiving God’s guidance because our prayers are so cluttered with wishful thinking. Surely this is the point at which we must seek the counsel of our finest friends. There is nowhere else to go.

The Best of Bill, p. 33

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Where do I find such trusted and finest friends? I look around and I see folks who are often as confused as I am about such matters and have their own predilections to lean towards gossip instead of an honest sharing of a helpful truth about a situation or person. These confusing dilemmas rarely happen at my own convenience and usually when I have no trusted friend around to share them with. If I do nothing a greater harm might come about and I’m hard set to make that judgment towards taking any action at all.

    I know a man with whom I worked closely that was given a job having tremendous responsibility way over his head. To this day I’m not sure whether he was guilty of downright embezzlement or simply bad bookkeeping. Because I’d worked closely with him, when his books were audited, I was often asked if I knew anything about what he’d been up to. The truth was that I’d had my suspicions but I feared that by confronting him personally and falsely accusing him, I’d cause him more harm than good. Furthermore, had I shared my suspicions with anyone in our close knit community, even my most trusted friends, I knew it was hugely possible that the rumor mill might have caused even more harm. Doing nothing in these situations is sometimes the hardest of all things to do.

   These are the dilemmas that are shared with the greatest discretion… outside of the community if possible. I was advised both ways… to hold my peace and, conversely, to tell someone of authority in our community. I have found that there are times when I have to lean heavily on prayer and meditation where no human power will do. It always comes down to taking personal responsibility above all else.

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Intelligence & Ignorance

In his first teaching, Buddha explained that the root cause of suffering is ignorance. But where exactly is this ignorance? And how does it display itself? Let’s take an everyday example. Think about those people --- we all know some --- who are gifted with a remarkably powerful and sophisticated intelligence. Isn’t it puzzling how, instead of helping them, as you might expect, it seems only to make them suffer more? It is almost as if their brilliance is directly responsible for their pain.
    What is happening is quite clear: this intelligence of ours is captured and held hostage by ignorance, which then makes use of it freely for its own ends. This is how we can be extraordinarily intelligent and yet absolutely wrong, at one and the same time.

Glimpse After Glimpse

Sogyal Rinpoce

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There was a time I felt that I had no chance at attaining any sort of liberating spirituality because I wasn’t pure enough or intelligent enough to “get it”. It seemed to me that all of this enlightenment was for other people whose lives had not been held hostage by the same demons as mine. What Sogyal Rinpoche seems to be saying in this meditation is that we are indeed held hostage by ignorance no matter how pure and intelligent we might be. 

   It was refreshing news to me that I didn’t have to be a recruit for Mensa, or to be born into a yogic tradition from which no impurities were ever allowed in food or thought, in order to “get it”. The good news is that I don’t have to be the sharpest pencil in the drawer to sit and meditate. I don’t have to be a genius to be able to examine my motives and check them at the door before I sit. I can be compassionate and caring no matter what my mental capacity is because these qualities and actions are accessible to anyone regardless. All that is required of me is that I surrender to the basic genius of the Cosmic Intelligence of our Creator.

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Receptive Hearts

I will abide in receptive hearts --- an unknown friend, ever rousing them to sacred feelings, silently urging them through their own noble thoughts to forsake their slumber of earthliness. In the light of wisdom I will dance with all the joys in the unseen bower of silence.

Metaphysical Meditations;

Friendship and Service, p. 78

Paramahansa Yogananda

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It is hard to see, in the divisiveness and political wrangling of the national dialogue, where the Spirit of Compassion can put a foot in the door of the world’s consciousness. There is so much vitriol hurled from one side against the other; compelled by the notion that it is better to defeat the opposition on a particular issue than it is to resolve our differences. Perfect peace that doesn’t arise from my heart is not attainable if I expect it in others before I am at peace with myself. Of course, such a stance is considered by the angry and disillusioned to be taking a passive one, and doing nothing isn't productive at all. We are trained from youth to fight fire with fire, and thus, to pour gasoline on it. The idea that sitting in meditation is not a positive action comes from thinking that it amounts to laying down and being rolled over. Tell that to Christ; tell that to Gandhi; tell that to Martin Luther King or Mother Teresa. All of these took the initiative to stand up, after prayer and meditation, to go out and make a difference by positive action. They did so while addressing the ills of the world and at the same time resolving their own personal karma. Can I do that in any small way today when I rise from my cushion? Will I be drawn to receptive hearts by promoting loving-kindness and mindfulness?

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Mind & Body

The nature of mind is the background to the whole of life and death, like the sky, which unfolds the whole universe in its embrace.

Glimpse After Glimpse

Sogyal Rinpoche

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The mind has another meaning other than the brain when a Buddhist speaks of it. The mind to us usually refers to that computer located above our necks and between our ears. My posture and the whole of my body is made vivid with the simple act of breathing as I kneel, stand with arms raised, prostrate myself or sit in the lotus position in meditation. What happens to me when I do any one of those postures a connection is made with the earth as my attention becomes focused on that which transcends when I also pray. It is much simpler than most of us make of it because I have found that it doesn’t matter a whit whether I am sitting, kneeling, doing the dishes or dancing like an idiot to the music of the Grateful Dead. The act of giving reverence like David dancing in the Temple is enough to make that Wonder open itself to my limited mind to an eternal Mind that is greater than I could have ever imagined.

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The Perfume of all Hearts

O Thou Perfume of all hearts and all roses, I mind not how many days of scalding sorrow cross the threshold of my life to search and test me. Through Thy blessing may they remind me of my errors that have kept me away from Thee.

Metaphysical Meditations, p. 58

Paramahansa Yogananda

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It was easier to balk at the notion that my troubles were of my own making than to admit my faults or apologize sincerely for them. I reflexively thought of how others had caused me sorrow but rarely thought of how my actions provoked them. Consequently, I found myself becoming bitter about my life in general and skeptical about the motives of others. The more I evaded the truth and made excuses for myself, the more I was thwarted in my efforts to find peace of mind. In this state I saw all talk about communion with God to be myopic and even “make believe”. If I hadn’t come to a point where an ocean of despair enveloped my soul I might have never considered another way of living. Once at that place of surrender I suddenly, and without intellectualizing, came into the light of the Heart of Compassion. The cynic and debating society between my ears was silenced for a few seconds. In other words, I woke up and smelled the coffee… or roses, eh?

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TRUST

"ENTIRELY HONEST"

 

We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long and happily in this world.

Alcoholics Anonymous, pp. 73-74

Honesty, like all virtues, is to be shared. It began after I shared “… [my] whole life’s story with someone…” in order to find my place in the Fellowship. Later I shared my life in order to help the newcomer find his place with us. This sharing helps me learn honesty in all my dealings and to know that God’s plan for me comes true through honest openness and willingness.

Daily Reflections: May 4,

A.A. World Services

Publication

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I’m sure I’m not the only one that has felt that I have a story that I need to tell but dismissed the notion for fear that an honest confession oughtn’t to be spoken of openly. It was a daunting proposition to be faced with the fear that someone else might know who it was that I am lurking behind the mask. There was that and then there was the haunting suspicion that such and honest revelation would be betrayed and used against me. These were followed by the fear that, once known, I would have to make amends for the harm I had done to others along the way as I careened through life as a drunk. 

    I might not have ever done so had I not found someone I could trust. It was made easier when the man I trusted confessed that he had also done some of the same things to others. It helped that he was an addict and alcoholic too. I could have gone to a priest or a shrink but I needed to let go of my past completely and such authority figures simply could not be of as much use as another alcoholic. I now understand that I wasn’t able to do any of it if I didn’t come to find trust in God. The Heart of Compassion had already been revealed when the obsession to drink was lifted. If God could do that then God could be trusted for anything.

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Temper

A Zen student came to Bankei and complained: “Master, I have an ungovernable temper. How can I cure it?”
“You have something very strange,” replied Bankei. “Let me see what you have.”
“Just now I can’t show it to you,” replied the other.
“When can you show it to me?” asked Bankei.
“It arises unexpectedly,” replied the student.
“Then,” concluded Bankei, “it must not be your true nature. If it were, you could show it to me at any time. When you were born you did not have it, and your parents did not give it to you. Think that over.”

Zen Flesh, Zen Bones

101 Zen Stories,

75 Temper

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Too often I have heard myself say things like, “That was my disease talking.” This is less honest than the foolish excuse that it was the Devil that made me do it. Doesn’t admitting that the disease is mine give me the responsibility to dispose of it? Just the act of saying these failings and shortcomings are mine is a sort of clinging to them that is contrary to any hope for release from them. This is not to say that I live in denial but, once named and claimed it is time to let go of it and discover a lightness of being. This I can do if I learn to pause when agitated or doubtful, take a breather, and seek the Heart of Compassion for the right thought or action. It takes practice but it gradually becomes a working part of the mind… gradually… and I do mean gradually. Then, instead of it being the way I think I ought to behave, a true mind directs the whole of my being. I am no longer running the show but I am empowered by a greater purpose and dynamic.

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Zombies & Vampires

And why are we frightened by a motionless skeleton when we see it lying in the cemetery but not afraid now when we see its zombie-like body moving about like a walking corpse controlled by momentary impulses?
Santideva: Bodhicaryavatara 8.47

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This reflection reminds me of a thought that has been on my mind the past few years: there have been a plethora of novels, movies and television series featuring romanized vampire themes the past few years. To me, the vampire reflects two different obsessions with death in a weird way. For instance; the original vampire tales were about a living corpse being animated by an intrinsically evil, shape-shifting, spirit… decaying without receiving substance from the blood of the living. Though the idea had sexual overtones, the theme was essentially the lust for power drawn from the innocent and any sexuality was driven by a hunger and clinging onto living forever. From the Anne Rice novels the sexually attractive and romantic image of the vampire entered the cultural landscape and it stuck to this day with the Twilight series and so on. Vampires became not so much decaying corpses but pretty young things that are people just like us except that they now have enormous strength, romance sexuality and magical power. These have taken over the theme and the decaying living corpse fades almost entirely into the background. Isn’t this a way to seduce our consciousness into finding or encouraging us to see the living dead as something that is attractive to us? And taking a leap into another subject; isn’t this a subliminal commercial enticement that contrives to keep us from actually seeing or thinking about spiritual and emotional vampirism... of acting on impulse?Doesn’t vampirism of this sort compel a materialistic neurosis that drives us to become easily manipulated consumers?

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Self-Esteem

No man who is occupied in doing a very difficult thing, and doing it very well, ever loses his self-respect.

George Bernard Shaw

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The hardest thing, for any of us who have tried and failed at one thing or another, is to get up off the ground and to try again. This is true whether it is in our vocation or in our relationships. Sometimes the greatest failure wasn't where we think it was because that failure is usually in the despair of never dreaming again. I remember doing that when my marriage failed and I gave up my career for the sake of self-pity. I sank into further despair when I stopped all chances of any love or success in life for the future by obsessing on the past. I didn't give myself credit for what I had tried to accomplish. I could only see what I failed to create for myself and my loved ones.

One of the saving graces in my life was the day I took a lowly job as a temporary day laborer on a construction site at the age of 48. I put my back into every task that was asked of me and strove to do it well. I made no excuses for my work and found myself looking forward to going to the job each day and coming home at night satisfied for an honest day’s labor for an honest day’s pay. That temporary job I was hired on for, that was supposed to last only about a week, lasted seven years. I most probably owe my life to taking that job.

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