Dazzled by Good

"... what good is; negative will --- no, I don't like that. I like blindness towards evil to come from being dazzled by good; otherwise virtue is ignorance --- poverty." --- Andre Gide Prometheus Misbound.

The examples of the saints from every religion choosing the good over evil is almost incomprehensible when I consider the evil these great souls have faced. Whether it is the monks of Myanmar standing in front of unimaginable oppression by the military regime there, the ugliness of racism confronted by Martin Luther King or it is the simple act of Mother Teresa working close with the outcasts of India, I am humbled.

Good is the candle lit in darkness. The more the darkness, the less it takes to give light to the room. The courage towards good is what is so astounding. That courage has to come from a place that is accessed from a source so profound it cannot be understood using ordinary terms. Societies are set up so that the worst instincts of human kind are exploited and controlled. That is what the rule of law is. When Christ proposed that we live by the Golden Rule instead, he set in motion a revolution that still bears fruit today.

The courage to be dazzled by good, in lieu of being intimidated by evil, is found in the simple acts of compassion... I.e., one hand helping another.

The Antidote for Fear

I am alerted when fear comes at me like a roaring dragon; but, fear that slips into my room in the middle of the night and binds me unnoticed in gentle restraints, is my nemesis. I am most interested in the quality of fear that is so damned subversive that I hardly notice its usurpation of power. It waits quietly until try to make a positive change, adventure into a new direction, before it clamps down.

However, fear has become my teacher. When I am thwarted by fear I can retreat into the heart of compassion where the well-spring of all courage can be tapped through the simple action of one human being helping another. This is the kind of faith that is the antidote to my fears.

I am no longer in the business of slaying dragons. There are no causes to champion or windmills to tilt. I can quietly work as a worker among workers and, in the words of the carpenter, "Be not afraid, only believe."

---

geo, 4,550

Break on Through to the Heart of Compassion

The heart of compassion speaks when nothing else can break through to the wounded soul: closed off from countless scars… slapped back by inner fears and outer restrictions. The heart of compassion is there… was there… will be there… because the heart of compassion is not a temporary whim. It rests in each one of us as though it is waiting at all times and in all situations to be revealed. That is why it is a healthy thing for me to know that I am not a bad person getting good. I am but a sick man getting well. When the masks come off we are all the same with varying degrees of neurosis. But, when the spark of compassion ignites between two separate souls we become one with each other… even if that unity is found at first only in our common suffering. Suffering can be the springboard that launches us towards a common healing. Saying yes to the heart of compassion is to know God.

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geo, 4,549

Mental Illness and Alcoholism

Every once in a while I’ll hear a celebrity propose, on a talk show or other public venue, that alcoholism is not a disease. One I heard made his case noting that cancer is a disease: cancer can’t be cured by quitting cancer but you can do something about alcoholism by not drinking. The naivety of the notion that alcoholism is abated by not drinking is as foolish as it is dangerous. We, who have struggled with it, know full well that the alcoholism is a mental disease that is only exacerbated when we take away alcohol without some kind of comprehensive and affective treatment. It is fine with me if folks have trouble calling alcoholism a disease but I ask, are bi-polar disorders also not a disease requiring medical attention and therapy? Can someone with a mental illness simply stop "acting crazy" or "blue" on their own? Unfortunately there are people who react to those who suffer from clinical depression the same way. They recommend that such people “Cheer up… look on the bright side…”or some other misinformed advice. Tell that to someone who suffers depression and all that is accomplished is to drive the poor soul further into guilt and remorse that often results in suicide.

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geo, 4,548

Saturday, November 26, 2011: The Spiritual Alibi

Our first attempts at inventories are apt to prove very unrealistic... I was falling straight back into the pattern of my drinking days. Here were the same old goals --- power, fame, and applause. Besides, I had the best alibi known --- the spiritual alibi. The fact that I really did have a spiritual objective made this utter nonsense seem perfectly right.

As Bill Sees It

193, the Spiritual Alibi

The Grapevine, June 1961

<< << <<   >> >> >>

*I sometimes have to stop myself with a reminder whenever I lay out unrealistic goals, asking, “What is happening, George, aren't you getting your turban wound too tight?” Aren’t my ambitions sure to lead me away or back to the "same patterns" that brought me down in the first place? Often I hear it said, “I meditate to accomplish tranquility and guidance… to make conscious contact with God.” These are very good and wonderful side dishes to sitting quietly but I have to be reminded that meditation is a goal in and of itself. Taking a few minutes out of my day to sit… just try to sit, dammit! ... is enough. Conscious contact with a Higher Power completes the cycle that is essential to moving through my day but I can’t have that without sitting quietly… "letting the dogs run without a leash until they come back to my side” has proven to be the most productive way to open up to a serenity that abides and humility opens up contact with the grace and beauty of the dance we call God.

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*geo, 4,547

Friday, November 25, 2011: Tell me How, Dammit!

Friday, November 25, 2011:

AS BILL SEES IT: 192, Carrying the Message[1].The wonderful energy the Twelfth Step releases, by which it carries our message to the next suffering alcoholic and finally translates the Twelve Steps into action upon all our affairs, is the payoff, the magnificent reality of A.A.

<< << <<   >> >> >>

[2]Never talk down to an alcoholic from any moral or spiritual hilltop; simply lay out the kit of tools for his inspection. Show him how it worked for you. Offer him friendship and fellowship.

*****

[3]I am aware that, to an outsider, those who speak of morality/spirituality make the mistake of getting preachy. I am aware of this trepidation because I was once someone who merely wanted to stop drinking and, try as I might; I could not put it away for very long. When I did come to the Fellowship, with hat in hand, I came for help and not to have piled onto my back a guilt burdened morality. I knew I couldn’t live up to that and I feared that spirituality was something one had to almost be born into. I already pictured those who were connected to God, as those in AA claimed, must be metaphorically levitating at all times and I knew myself well enough to know I could never achieve that kind of perfection.

            Those people who got through to me never treated the Big Book as though it was a sacred text, nor did they pull out quotes from their Bibles Upanishads, Korans or Sutras. They simply demonstrated how the Steps worked for them and I was hooked. I try to approach a still suffering alcoholic/addict knowing full well that the poor soul can see through any hint of hypocrisy on my part. I become grateful my Higher Power came to me as a guru or teacher in that trembling and wary person’s form.

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[1] TWELVE AND TWELVE, p. 109

[2] ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 95

[3] geo, 4,546

To be Grateful Today

Thursday, November 24, 2011:

AS BILL SEES IT

191

The Beginning of Humility[1]

“There are few absolutes inherent in the Twelve Steps. Most Steps are open to interpretation, based on the experience and the outlook of the individual.

Consequently, the individual is free to start the program at whatever point he can, or will. God, as we understand Him, may be defined as a ‘Power greater…’ or the Higher Power. For thousands of members, the A.A. group itself has been a ‘Higher Power’ in the beginning. This acknowledgment is easy to make if the newcomers knows that most members are sober and he isn’t.

His admission is the beginning of humility --- at least the newcomer is willing to disclaim that he himself is not God. That’s all the start he needs. If, following this achievement, he will relax and practice as many of the Steps as he can, he is sure to grow spiritually.”

<< << <<   >> >> >>

[2]I know that there are some in AA who would try to nearly drum me out of the group if I were to assert what Bill W. said in the first three sentences of this reflection. Haven’t we all heard them pound on the pulpit and declare that the Steps must be taken exactly as written in the Big Book? They will insist that the Steps won’t work if we don’t take them in the order they were laid out for us. But I thank the Great Whazoo that Bill W. said it way back then. Not that I am making an idol out of Bill W. because I know he is just another human being like me. I only point this out because I know that the fundamentalist AA’s among us insist so heavily on the authority of the Big Book. I am cautious not to overlook (the concept presented clearly in it) that this book is only an amalgamation of experience and not a book of law.

Have a great Thanksgiving today… There is always something to be grateful for: i.e., I am not a turkey... or at least that kind of turkey!

---

[1] LETTER, 1966

[2] Geo, 4,545

Spiritual Evolution:

Spiritual Evolution:

I am privileged to live in an era in which the world is going through a transition so extreme it can only be compared to the birthing process. It has taken several centuries to take us to this point and I am not saying that there haven’t been other eras nearly as tumultuous as the one we are in and that our Mother hasn’t granted us many births before; but, it appears that a new spirituality is being forced out of the womb of comfortable religiosity and fanatical exclusion-ism into an all-embracing spiritual awakening of inclusion. As in any birth, this awakening isn’t accomplished without considerable blood and noise.

I got a glimpse of the spiritual evolution I am speaking of when some Jehovah Witnesses came to my door telling me of a scenario in which the world is going to hell-in-a-hand-basket. My friend that was with me at the time was listening on the side. She interrupted this dour prophesy saying, “Excuse me, but we no longer go to watch Christians burn at the stake for entertainment in the Coliseum of Rome, do we?”

As bad as we are; with the the Genocide of the Cherokee, the American Civil War, WWI, WWII, the Holocaust, the Cambodian Killing Fields, the WTC catastrophe… we didn’t do those for the explicit enjoyment of the masses. Even Andy Jackson, Hitler, Stalin and Pol Pot had to hide the disgrace of extermination from the masses in general. Each era has had dramatic changes through the eons. Sometimes it is two steps forward and a step backwards but the evolution of humankind can be observed from the mountain top.

The best read I have found on the subject of spiritual evolution is a modest tome authored by Robert Wright, titled The Evolution of God – published in 2009 by Little, Brown and Company. I wish that every sole proprietor of the truth or politico/religious fanatic exclusion-ist could be forced to give it a read before going out to force their beliefs on us or wreak havoc on innocents. It might not make a difference but what the heck…

Get out of Your Igloo

Tuesday, November 22, 2011: AS BILL SEES IT, 188, To Survive Trials[1]

In our belief, any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes wholly to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure.. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but he usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed. Release from alcohol, and not flight from it, is our answer.

*****

[2]I find it somewhat curious to hear folks affectionately refer to the person who helped them get to AA as their “Eskimo”. The only reference in the Big Book to the term is found in the preceding paragraph in which the idea of isolating the alcoholic from any association with alcohol is smashed saying that an alcoholic who needs to do so: “…still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything!”

An Eskimo is someone who comes along and brings the hammer down on all hope. This, in most cases, is what is needed to hit the kind of bottom that makes sobriety through spiritual renewal possible. The spiritual path we need to take for sobriety is not the; churchy, easy-chair with smoking jacket, spirituality of sophistication and refined taste. It is a hard-core confrontation of the darkest spiritual influences. Or, if you will, the Tent-maker wrote to the Ephesians: “We wrestle not with flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world….” The battle, therefore, is within where no sponsor, no fellowship, no religious zeal can better the direct and honest surrender to the source of Light; a Power greater than all the darkness of addiction and alcoholism.

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[1] ALCOHOLCS ANONYMOUS, p. 101

[2] Geo: 4,543

Purify Intentions

AS BILL SEES IT: 187,Talk or Action?* In making amends, it is seldom wise to approach an individual who still smarts from our injustice to him, and announce that we have gone religious. This might be called leading with the chin. Why lay ourselves open to being branded fanatics or religious bores? If we do this, we may kill a future opportunity to carry a beneficial message.

But the man who hears our amends is sure to be impressed with our sincere desire to set right a wrong. He is going to be more interested in a demonstration of good will than in talk of spiritual discoveries.

<< << <<   >> >> >>

**Purify intent. Purified intentions are not necessarily good ones in the sense that many a wrong has been done in the name of good intentions. A pure approach in making amends has no attachment to messages good or bad. Such action requires an examination of motives and a reliance on good sense.

When good sense fails, or I can find no access to it, I sit. If I confuse sitting with reticence sitting seems a vanity, a luxury I can’t afford, but is it better to take an action… even a harmful action… than to pause? If I have a living relationship with a Power greater than myself, why don’t I believe I can find the guidance I need by listening to that source?

 *****

Opening the door on voidness of identity,

clear awareness floods everywhere,

and though everywhere, nowhere is an identity found.

Drinking the Mountain Stream

The Songs of Milarepa

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* ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 77

** geo: 4,542

The High-Bottom Drunk

As Bill Sees It, 186: “The Only Requirement”[1]

In Tradition Three, A.A. is really saying to every serious drinker, “You are an A.A. member if you say so. You can declare yourself in; nobody can keep you out. No matter how low you’ve gone, no matter how grave your emotional complications --- even your crimes --- we don’t want to keep you out. We just want to be sure that you get the same chance for sobriety that we’ve had.”

<< << <<   >> >> >>

[2]We do not wish to deny anyone his chance to recover from alcoholism. We wish to be just as inclusive as we can, never inclusive.

*****

[3]I hardly ever hear of anyone coming to AA these days thinking that they are somehow beneath us. Conversely, many high-bottom drunks come to AA feeling as though their drinking never caused them enough, or as much, trouble as the rest of us. Having never been to jail nor ever in an emergency room because of an overdose, they feel as though their lives just might not have gotten bad enough for AA. However, after a short time hearing us, many of these same people find so many emotional similarities that their alcoholism is no longer possible to deny. At this point they have taken the First Step and see fresh hope for a new beginning. I have seen it happen so many times that I have come to understand that hitting bottom describes a spiritual collapse and not always a physical one.

P.S. Still a bit weak but feeling much better today: Bed & Chicken noodle soup yesterday pulled me through. It had to be the worst day for daytime TV ever… it was so bad I was happy when Cops came on later. It was an incredible experience.

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[1] TWELVE AND TWELVE, p.139

[2] GRAPEVINE,  p. AUGUST, 1946

[3] geo, 4,541

Body in Revolt!

My body is the only adversary I can focus on this morning. We had some great salmon last night… I prepared it perfectly but, afterwards, about the time we were settling into bed, my stomach began feeling nauseous. Just as I was about to fall asleep a gastrointestinal revolution had begun. The energy sapped from my body made it almost impossible to kneel at the porcelain thrown. I haven’t felt this weak in years… it is peppermint tea for me instead of coffee… ‘til I get my strength back.

Friday, November 18, 2011: Adversity

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*I have personally witnessed so many veterans returning from combat with a heightened spiritual awareness: the smell of a flower, the touch of a woman, the sound of an infant’s cry; all brought an unexplainable joy and peace upon returning from war. Yet others enduring similar trauma come home bitter, depressed and profoundly affected. In no way can I stand in judgment of anyone who has been so badly impacted by the horrors of war but I often wonder at the differences that separates the two? Could it be that one had discovered an inner-resource that transcended the terror around him while the other was simply overwhelmed by it? Whatever the causes I can take away from this a lesson in adversity however severe.

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*geo: 4,538

A Viewer-with-Alarm: As Bill Sees It

Thursday, November 17, 2011:

 AS BILL SEES IT

183

A Viewer-with-Alarm[1]

“I went through several fruitless years in a state called ‘viewing with alarm for the good of the movement.’ I thought it was up to me to be always ‘correcting conditions.’ Seldom had anybody been able to tell me what I ought to do, and nobody had ever succeeded in effectively telling me what I must do. I had to learn the hard way out of my own experience.

 

“When setting out to ‘check’ others, I found myself often motivated by fear of what they were doing, self-righteousness, and even downright intolerance. Consequently, I seldom succeeded in correcting anything. I just raised barriers of resentment that cut off any suggestion, example, understanding, or love.”

<< << <<   >> >> >>

[2]“A.A.’s often say, ‘Our leaders do not drive by mandate; they lead by example.’ If we would favorably affect others, we ourselves need to practice what we preach --- and forget the ‘preaching,’ too. The quiet good example speaks for itself.”

_____

[3]If Bill W., co-the founder of AA, can confess this experience and admit the futility of it, how much crazier is it for me to assume such authority. The Second Tradition --- For our group purpose there is but one authority --- a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern. This Tradition reminds me, before I saddle-up on my high horse, to cool my jets and be grateful for the Fellowship. When I see a trend I wish to correct isn’t it so much better to trust God and express my grievance, allowing the group to decide its merit? Before I can do this, however, I have to come to believe that a power greater than all of us can and will straighten things out if we submit to the Spirit of Recovery.

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[1] LETTER, 1945

[2] LETTER, 1966

[3] Geo, 4538

The Reality of the Spiritual Experience

An aspect of spiritual visions is hardly ever considered, or suspected, by both cynics and true-believers alike. This aspect is the social pressure to create a fantastic vision within the context of certain prescribed beliefs. Whether the experience is real, or a hallucination, the visionary is almost required to supplement his, or her, spiritual revelation with an accompanying visual phenomenon. In other words, a third possibility could be that the visionary is simply making it up.  In order to validate the experience of what may or may not be a legitimate spiritual experience, our would be saint can be compelled to exaggerate or append a dramatic lie to a spirituality that, if real, needs not be supplemented.

I had a friend who stopped using drugs and alcohol after an incident (while sniffing glue) in which Jesus appeared to him and slapped the bag of glue out of his hands. He became a “Born again” Christian because of this experience and several years later admitted that his vision of Jesus was a lie. However, he added, had he not told this lie he might not have stayed sober. In order to validate a profound conversion nonetheless he felt he had to explain it with an equally profound vision to affirm his conversion. Who am I to say his conversion was any the less valid because of his lie?

geo

4,537

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* TALK, 1960

The Prayer that Taps into the Mystery

From As Bill Sees It: 181, Imaginary Perfection...

[The Grapevine, June 1961] When we early A.A.’s got our first glimmer of how spiritually prideful we could be, we coined this expression: “Don’t try to be a saint by Thursday!”

The oldtime admonition may look like another of those handy alibis that can excuse us from trying for our best. Yet a closer view reveals just the contrary. This is our A.A. way of warning against pride-blindness, and the imaginary perfections that we do not possess.

[Twelve and Twelve, p. 68] Only Step One, where we made the 100 per cent admission that we were powerless over alcohol, can be practiced with absolute perfection. The remaining eleven Steps state perfect ideals. They are goals toward which we look, and the measuring sticks by which we estimate our progress.

*****

My Take on it:

There are those who believe that the inner essence of humanity and human society is a corrupt and base state we cannot rise above unless we submit ourselves to a higher power. Then there are those who believe that we are, at our core, innocent and full of such grace that it only needs to be uncovered or discovered. These differences don’t really matter to me because, in both cases, I am required to surrender judgment and excuses. I have witnessed those who seem to be natural at radiating goodness from birth. Admittedly, they are rare individuals but they do show that transcendent spirituality is available to us all. Pride becomes humility when we see that what we call God is within us at all times. Allowing that inner resource to "do with me as You will" is the prayer that taps into the mystery.

geo

4,536

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