The Dawn of Ceaseless Play

Look into the sphere of birthless mind!

Let dawn the enjoyment of ceaseless play!

When free of hope and fear --- that’s the result.

Why speak of birth and death?

Come to the natural, unmodified state!

DRINKING THE MOUNTAIN STREAM SONGS OF

TIBET’S BELOVED SAINT MILAREPA

Before I do anything to screw up my day, I try to sit with myself for a few minutes to simply breathe. Some are sure to ask, “Why must you do that, you were breathing all night and it didn’t seem to matter?”

My answer for that is,“Yes, but I was breathing in my dreams. When I sit with myself my dreams are formed into action. Forming into action my dreams become reality. Becoming reality is a step towards humility. A step towards humility brings my mind to a place where fear is only a phantom and phantoms are for my own entertainment and not at all anything to fear.”

Or, if you like, let Tom Waits sing: "You Are Innocent When You Dream."

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geo, 4,610

The Politics of Spirituality

I was opinionated on all matters big and small before it happened… it, the big celestial... whack! As a product of the Sixties I had been involved in the anti-war, anti-nuke and anti-anythingthatmoves movements before and after my military enlistment. Even so, my political beliefs have been iconoclastic and have shifted from left to right to left and the middle, depending on how I felt at the moment.

 I do know that there was a certain open-minded contempt for one-sided politicos involved in my attitudes that segued nicely into the spirituality of inclusion I have been embraced by since then. What gives me pause for thought today is that I have become apolitical. I had always contended that to stand in the middle-of-the-road is to leave oneself open to being run over by traffic going both ways! But I have not become apolitical out of indifference or because I am unschooled on the issues. Rather, I have become aware of my own ignorance on matters I was so damned sure about at one time.

This attitude might change in the future but I do hope that my political opinions, whatever they might be, will not be compelled by the temptation to insist that others think as I do.

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Money, Money, Money!

Where money is concerned, I find that I can always use more of it but I have tried to live for the sake of my craft at such a meager subsistence level that the lines delineated to describe poverty would be an admirable goal for me to achieve. One of the side affects of this is to place the importance of money proportional to that of the world’s greediest misers. Today, I have enough income to barely support the pursuit of my bliss but I am cautious that the prudence I have found necessary to adopt now could filter into my behavior in the advent that I ever become more successful. My spiritual condition prepares me to become the master of any sort of prosperity rather than its slave. We try to remember that money is a tool rather than a goal. After all, if I didn’t have a couch I couldn’t help a friend.

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geo, 4,608

Is it an A.A. Heresy?

Money, power, prestige, sexual relations, and so on are the most obvious obstacles to spiritual growth and can ensnare the very best of us. However, when combined with personal trauma, physical pain and financial deprivation… these things become a hammer and anvil that could have flattened me out. I even considered suicide after countless vain attempts to get sober and I have lost more than one friend in our little Fellowship to suicide… folks who have had long-term sobriety. They were good people… every last one of them. They worked hard on their sobriety and were as committed to their own recovery as I have been.

 In AA there are enough suicides and slips that are testimony to the potency of this toxic brew and it has been a mystery to me why suicide isn’t addressed more directly in the literature of AA. The more I think about the history of our Fellowship the easier it is to understand that the Big Book itself was written before most in our fellowship had five years of sobriety under their belts. I know that this notion could be considered an AA heresy but I believe that much more ought to be written into our literature on this subject because the Big Book, as beautiful and useful as it is, cannot be considered a scripture set in stone that answers all our problems. Rather it ought to best be regarded an ever evolving and growing text-book for recovery. Clean house, work with others and, by all means, get help when the hungry lions of despair are clawing at the door.

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geo, 4,607

The experience of dissipation towards recovery, and not the theory, this is what I can bring to another alcoholic. How precious is that? What a price I paid to obtain it! More than any Ivy League tuition, a tuition that paid for a graduate degree from the school of hard knocks and my school colors were black and blue… I paid it myself through countless vain attempts to drink like a normal person and did not obtain recovery easily or at the top of my class. It is this experience I bring to the man or woman shut off from life, isolated from it by the horrors of this disease. It is the experience of a man who has looked into the gates of hell and turned away.

geo, 4606

The Burning Bush

I believe it might have been my Catholic rearing that gave me the impression that any legitimate spiritual awakening would be of the Burning Bush variety. That impression brought with it the notion such an event ought to bring with it super-human powers to heal, to levitate or to walk on water.

After abandoning the childish notions of a transformative shot from heaven, I then read into Eastern spirituality (i.e., Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramahansa Yogananda) a similar take on spiritual abilities. Then I read Buddhist texts. There I read about how a variety of sages experience something translated as “enlightenment”. These too were sudden moments in which the disciple would be transported into a new awareness. I read a story about spiritual competitiveness in which one monk challenged a sensei named Bankei, boasting: “The founder of our sect can perform all sorts of miracles.” 

“I can too,” answered Bankei, “When I feel hungry, I eat, when I feel thirsty, I drink.”

I agree with Bankei because I too can now enjoy life. Isn’t that a miracle?”

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geo, 4,605

My Beloved is the Young Hart... Song of Soloman

Daily Meds: 1/25/2012

I never was much of a deer hunter. I didn’t necessarily enjoy taking the life of another sentient being. My dad took me with him when I was a boy and, as we hiked out in the autumn air, I reveled at the raw beauty, the fresh air smells of the forest, the feel of a rifle in my hands… the whole scene… walking stealthily, careful of each step, and most of all, sitting at a stand… a place above a known game crossing… breathing the crisp fall air… listening so intensely that my heart-beat seemed so loud it can be heard for miles…. waiting for that moment… that brief flash of a white tail or glimpse of a flank… rifle at ready… aim!

I don’t hunt deer these days at all but the way I meditate is a similar experience to hunting. I sit quietly. What am I waiting for? Why am I so silent? Why am I stilling my mind? What am I focusing on?

The Song of Solomon says it best: “My beloved is like a roe or a young hart; behold, he standeth behind our wall, he looketh forth at the window, showing himself through the lattice…”

Ever elusive is this conscious contact with God to me. It is a hunt that requires quietude. It requires that I am still and alert… an awakened being. Enlightenment is only the beginning of the quest. It is the first step and not the end… the flash of a white tail or glimpse of a flank. It is the awakening

geo, 4,604

Bozo's Ride

Spiritual competitiveness can be as harmful to me as any other character defect. It is the dynamic that causes me to strive at being better than anyone else at this business of the awakening. First off, it can be a terrific drain on the pocket-book. Just go to a spiritual supply retail shop featuring bells, cushions, incense, meditation tapes and all the trappings of a so-called spiritual life. It isn’t so much that these items are sold but that they are for sell at exorbitantly high prices. I could go on… but even subtler than this is the competitiveness of having a better grasp on the texts, of being of service at higher levels or having a following… a gaggle of sponsees hanging on every word… praying louder, chanting more harmoniously or having the countenance of the saints in all the pictures. I am more impressed by the quiet ones who humbly replace the candles on the altar than by the robes of the priest. These things can keep me busy… so busy I can forget I am just one of the Bozo’s on this bus.

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geo, 4,603

The Rules of the Game

 The main reason why so many prefer a dogma over a fluidity of understanding is most likely because it is so much easier than otherwise.To have the rules of the game; a Big Book, the Bible, the Koran, the Sutras, a guru, a preacher, a sponsor, a tyrannical father figure, an Imam or a political leader, to interpret the ideal represented within the claustrophobic confines of the ideal relieves us of the awesome responsibility of living life on its own terms. If only life were so easy…

Actually, it is. We have it… each and every one of us has… locked in genetic memory of our hard drive and our cultural adaptations that make us distinctly human. Why not access the three million years of human evolution to tap into the wonders of our own minds? How do we do this without falling back into old tapes… self-destructive behaviors, self-centered reflexes and twisted notions of our own importance? The default setting would seem to be; what is kinder? Given this, we all have brains to use, eh? Doesn’t every parent know instinctively what is right along these lines? Is there a dogma playing my tapes or am I present in the moment… extemporaneous… without a tape?

Take the time to sit with it.

geo, 4,602

The Alienation of a Corrupted Egoism

It has taken some time for me to break away from the alienation of a corrupted egoism. What I mean by this alienation isn’t the loneliness and despair of rejection so much as it is the self-imposed isolation of spirit that kept me feeling that my dreams were bigger than yours or that I was better, wiser, and more talented than you. Deep down, of course, I was afraid that you would find out, not only I wasn’t the sharpest tack in the drawer, but, that in some respects; I might even be the dullest to be found there.

Self-esteem is one thing but such an inflated ego either drives others away or causes me to withdraw altogether. Under ordinary circumstances this wouldn’t be so bad but, when I desperately need the help of another hand, it is a crippling defect of character. I need humility to hold the mirror to my delusions in order to see myself as I am. This is the sweet spot… the altar upon which I place my ego… where I break through to the Spirit of Recovery.

geo, 4,601

Despair Trumped

There have been times when I have momentarily felt a touch of envy for the truly beat-up and broken man. I know that this sounds absurd but it is true, because for me, it was only in this state of total defeat that I was able to seek the kind of help that went beyond what human hands, institutions or whatever I supposed would help me. It is this juncture, this spiritual bottom… this emotional train-wreck… that Saint John of the Cross wrote of. He called it the Dark Night of the Soul. You don’t have to be an alcoholic or addict to hit this sweet spot. You know the sweet spot… the term that golfers use when they hit the ball just right? Well, this is the sweet spot of the soul, a position of humility and surrender,  where my a Power greater than myself sky-rocketed me into another dimension of a spiritual awakening. Fortunately, not all of us have to end up on skid row to get to this point. Or, as our friend Big Al used to say, “You know you have hit bottom when you get tired of digging.” I might add… “not one more shovel full.”

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geo, 4,600

Pause When Agitated or Doubtful

Sometimes I have to step back and take a deep breath… taking a walk is good…. It is easy to go along with that when I am not under duress. This idea of pausing when agitated or doubtful works real well on paper; however,  when I am agitated or doubtful my hair-trigger goes off. It is too late to do anything about it except to humble myself and apologize. Making an amends is not likely to happen then either unless I have the luxury of time and a bit of distance between even mild agitation and my short fuse. Putting space between that stimulus and response is precisely why the regular practice of meditation is so important. Emotional balance is one of the first fruits of meditation and emotional balance is the attribute I lack when I am challenged. I suppose that this is why we call meditation a practice. I suit up and practice for those few brief minutes when the whole world seems to collapse around me after I get off my cushion and step out the door.

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geo, 4,599

Mediocrity is the Enemy of Progress

When I announced that the career in fine arts I chose to pursue would not involve creating decorative paintings to match someone’s couch, my mother asked me, “Why do you always have to do everything the hard way?”

I have come to understand that the hard way is the best way to learn why the tried and true is the best way to achieve mediocrity. Mediocrity just doesn’t cut it for me and my kind. The rest can drift down-stream and take what is given from the pulpit or a guru but I want the off-the-boat experience and will always prefer to slug my way through the jungle. Fear of the unknown is the enemy of discovery and progress: spiritual and material progress can not be made without exploration of the territory. The spiritual path that excites me is one of adventure and any sense of adventure finds complacency to be as abhorrent as regression. If Moses would have stayed in Egypt; Buddha, in the ashrams or Christ, in the mentality of the synagogue, we would not have ever gotten out of the tyranny of the norm for spiritual evolution of those times.

Our Friend,Big Al, used to say that he never suited-up for a football game hoping to keep his uniform clean. He knew he played a good game when he went to the showers with it a torn, bloody, mud and grass stained one. Those that sit on the bench hardly ever need to launder theirs. 

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Geo, 4,598

We Need Each Other

Every sage's words echo the sentiment of this Proverb (Proverbs chptr 12:vs 1):that says: Whoso loves instruction loves knowledge: but he that hates reproof is brutish. This is to say we need each other in a way that few do outside of any spiritual fellowship. We learn through each other how to give, as well as take, instruction. Yes, we can browbeat each other all we want but one of the best character traits any rebellious soul is the reticence to be bowled over by a supposed authority. The insistence that we give ourselves over to; Big Book, Bible or sacred text, bullies is contrary to everything these texts tell us about ourselves. We learn to be gentle and tolerant through our close proximity to each other. After all, we have a common bond in our efforts to transcend our ordinary folly and need each other to do so.

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geo, 4,597

The Essence of Scientific Inquiry

I cringe at times when the usual sophomoric arguments for God are brought before us using pseudo-logical propositions that assume the scientific method is lacking in humility or in some other manner (i.e., that to not be God-centered is to be construed as man-centered,arrogant and fallacious). This is, of course, a weak and frantic effort to dispel scientific or philosophical reluctance to accept their notion of deity.Calling it experimental and, therefore, a scientific method of inquiry, to simply “act as though there is a God” has little or no merit. This is an idea that is bloated with childish magical thinking.  It is a mistake to compare this method to scientific experimentation. For one thing, it asks the scientific practitioner to abandon the first principle of the method: never accept anything "a priori". To do so would be to encourage the experimenter to follow a prejudice and therefore corrupt the inquiry; and, thus, the results. The essence of the scientific method is designed to solve mysteries and not to harbor or nurture them.

The fact that magical thinking has worked for some of us does not close the circle on the proposition there is a God any more than the scientific method defines in its own terms that there is not. Science functions best without faith and that, if there is a such thing as God, then science will eventually discover God. 

Many A.A.’s have found a power sufficient to relieve their alcoholism without such magical thinking through a variety of meditation practices that delve the mysteries of the innermost-self uncovering a dynamic relationship with the sublime. For instance,some forms of Buddhism do so without the need for any deity at all.                                                                                          

Worst of all, magical thinking damages faith and spiritual progress far more than atheism because, when it fails, despair and disillusionment follows. Aren’t we already bombarded with enough of these in our daily affairs? Ignorance is a far greater enemy to spiritual evolution than the discernment of constructive skeptics.

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geo, 4,596

There is so very little I can do to convince anyone to want to live… and to live life more fully. Most will flat out tell me to mind my own business even though they might be on their last legs in the throws of alcoholism or drug addiction,. Furthermore, they would be absolutely right to tell me to do so. Even my example is of little value along these lines. After all, who am I to presume I have anything better than they? I can simply compare within my own heart what I have now with what I had before. This takes a certain amount of honesty and humility because, if I am honest about myself, I would rather tell others how to behave and excuse myself from the same critique. I find this character trait of mine to border on the absurd in its hilarity and, when I pause from laughing at myself, I thank a Power greater than myself for the life I enjoy today. Being useful, offering a helping hand, going to any lengths to be a friend to the friendless: this is the source, the fountain of joy that surpasses any moralistic pontifying on my part.

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geo, 4,595

A Tool for Expansion or a Toy for Distraction

The history of spiritual evolution throughout the ages has witnessed more than a handful of extraordinary individuals who sensed a greater vision of the sublime that transcended whatever preceded their times. We can easily point to Lao Tzu, Buddha, Zoroaster, Socrates, Christ, Rumi, and a host of others too numerous to name, up to present times such as Einstein et al. How many though, more common souls sat in their villages in obscure locations, isolated from the rest of the world, carrying out ordinary occupations, with few disciples or any following to spread their vision? How many more were burned as witches, or heretics, were whisked off into eternity without leaving a footprint? These are unknown; however, it is known that very few have done this business entirely alone… without some sort of precedence or community to work within. We work with each other because it is in our DNA… what makes us distinctly human turns out to be, not so much the creation and use of tools, but the use of those tools towards expanding our communities beyond the limitations of family, tribe, nation and species…. all towards a universal spiritual body. Alienation is the ultimate enemy of such progress. Is it a tool towards expansion or a toy for distraction?

May I suggest? Try getting off the cell-phone, or quit texting a minute, to say hello to that one sitting next to you on the bus or Starbucks. It's okay with me if you don't... you won't get burned at the stake for it... I think.

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geo, 4,595

Can The Leopard Change Its Spots?

Try explaining some of the details of your past to someone unfamiliar with alcohol or drug addiction and they will often recoil from such testimony with disgust or pity. I believe that such a response is partially due to a common experience with alcoholics and addicts that the leopard cannot change its spots. At best they might say something like, “Thank you very much but that is way more than I ever wanted to know about you.”

We are called to demonstrate that psychic change rather than talk about it with anyone other than those we are trying to help. The world will only “receive us back into its citizenship” when we show that change in the way we work, the way we play and the way we treat others. Amen. Shalom. Salome. Namaste.

Emotional Balance

I believed that my problems were limited to drinking and drug abuse. I was 52 years of age and thought of myself as mature in every way but for a few matters directly related to my addictions. I figured that I’d put away the bottle go on to a creative and productive life. However, I found that I didn’t have the slightest clue as to how frightenly unbalanced a lifetime of self-will had wrought my spirit in terms of emotional balance. Sometimes I felt that I was actually better off emotionally when I drank. When I quit drinking I wasn’t zapped into maturity but was led to it at the speed of emotional pain.


Through meditation I became able to sit with myself and let the healing begin. Previous to arriving here the steps towards reaching inside and thoroughly addressing where my part in my troubles held me back... these drove me. I found that I had to take care not to blame others and then I shared these defects of character with another human being. This salved the sting of guilt and shame hidden in the dark corners of my soul and opened up those festering wounds to the light of the spirit. After wading through that swamp it was only a matter of allowing God to do for me what I could not do for myself. Am I the paradigm of emotional balance now? I have to sit on that one.

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geo 4,592

Free Will & Self-Will

Perhaps the scripture from the Bible that had the most profound affect on my life has always been from the Gospel of John where Jesus is speaking to Nicodemus of being born of the spirit: “The wind blows where it will, and you hear the sound of it, but cannot tell from where it comes, and where it goes: so is everyone that is born of the spirit.” (John 3:8).

The reason this scripture has impacted my behavior so deeply was a misinterpretation of what it actually means. I believed it meant, in context with the subject (the talk being the relationship of spirit and logic) that I go with my feelings wherever I wish without regard for logic, social conventions, laws and norms; i.e., self-centered free will.

As I have grown spiritually, I have come to understand that intuitive thoughts or decisions that arise from prayer and meditation are by all appearances similar, sometimes transcending social conventions, but for entirely different reasons. They are similar with the exception that such actions are to be taken free of self-will. The nature of our intuitive thoughts and actions that are the result of a higher consciousness always takes into consideration the impact my actions have on others first. The Golden Rule applies here more than anywhere else… even where what is required of such intuition might at first appear otherwise. Bad table manners, or running when the lights say walk, do not fit within this category of free will. Free will that was based on self-will was only free within the confines of a cage created by a slavish bondage to my own desires.

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geo, 4,591

Sitting Quietly with No Expectations

At one time I had this impression that in order to meditate it had to be done in a difficult yogic position and that I had to be of pure mind and body in order to have fantastic out-of-body experiences as the result of these practices. Perhaps, I thought, I might even attain to some sort of super-human abilities such as ESP or levitation. Who knows, maybe I would eventually see the essence of the godhead and transcend ordinary life altogether!

These expectations were all vanity. All I had to do in order to meditate was to simply divorce myself from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives, and sit. How to do this takes some effort on my part but any difficult task is accomplished much easier if the proper tool for the job is employed.

Sitting quietly with no expectations can be accomplished by first applying formal prayer. Formal prayers, such as the Lord’s Prayer, are another thing altogether from casual, conversational, prayers. Formal prayer separates my mind from personal desires and opens my mind towards transcendence from self-centered pleas or petitioning. My mind is then cleared so that I can actually meditate free of the monkey-chatter that occupies much of my thought-life.

To be continued…

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geo, 4,590

My Center is Connected to Yours....

“A man who has learned but little, grows old like an ox; His flesh increases, but his wisdom, not.”

  DHAMMAPADA, 152

365 BUDDHA, January 10th 

I thought myself as thick-headed because finding the truth has been a lifelong quest: a whole bunch of hit and miss. Academics were fine… and, admittedly, I wasn’t the best student. I never did make the dean’s list… but I found the doors to a world of knowledge opened to me. In spite of the wonder of it all, I felt all along that others were given the play-book for a game of Calvin Ball and I was left in the dark. I had abandoned whatever compass that might have helped me through the fog and was left entirely to my own devices. In that darkness I found a guiding light; the primary principle from which all knowledge flows. I tapped into the center of my heart with one simple act of humility that I could have never found had I not been lost. What is more important than that is that my center is connected to yours in as many ways as there are stars in the universe. If that isn't a wonder... what is?

When I find myself confused… when there seems to be no meaning… when I find all that I my crutches have been a flimsy reed…I go back to this humility.

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geo, 4,589

The Middle Ground... The Middle Path

The middle-ground, the middle-path? It all makes so much sense in light of how I work this deal. I was once one of those people who would say, pshaw! To stand in the middle of the road is to stand only to obstruct. After all, traffic in either lane, is at least going somewhere. I have come to understand that we are talking about something else when we speak in spiritual terms. Avoiding extremes seems to be the best place to travel. Always skirting the edges and testing the limits has its value but when it comes to life and death there is no room for error. Of course, there would be no enlightened paths if someone didn’t go out on a limb… if Buddha or Christ didn’t take the initiative to break away from tradition, we wouldn’t be able to profit from the vision of those prophets. Would there be an AA at all if Bill W. didn’t take what he found in the Oxford groups to step out and expand it to outcasts like us?

The middle path is about something entirely different than what I thought. Moderation of temperament and becoming even-keeled in adversity takes training and discipline. Very few are able to achieve this balance in all things and even fewer are born with it… keeping it all through their lives. But a life driven by extremes… careening from one to another… is a reckless adventure that causes untold suffering.

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geo, 4,589

The Opening of the Heart of Compassion

When the opening of the Heart of Compassion occurs, it is often hardly recognizable. Perhaps at breakfast the jelly on toast has a peculiarly marvelous texture and taste that wasn’t noticed before. At such times even, the uncontrollable urge to let the person sitting at my table know that I love her/him so very deeply it can hardly be expressed: going to work becomes an experience of giving to be helpful: being alone with a suffering fellow creature becomes a sincere devotion to the easing of that suffering.

Of course, the Opening of the Heart of Compassion is a distinct experience, there is also another one that is the Closing of the Heart of Compassion. This closing usually happens to me when I sink into self-centeredness, self-pity, self-righteousness, self this or self that. To be considerate of others before my own interests does not mean I forsake my own concerns. Rather it means to place the priorities in order so that I might live happily and peacefully among others on this beautiful blue marble we call home.

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geo, 4,588

Spiritual Evolution vs Material Decline

It is said, by Darwinian evolutionists, that the brain is a tool of our sex organs and our whole purpose in this round-wet-sphere is to reproduce ourselves. Once we have accomplished that, we can go happily, to our graves (or unhappily for all it matters). We are done after that. I suppose this means something to some and gives life more meaning than many of us have found in the latter-half of the twentieth-century industrial economy. I can also pause when I think geneticists have found that well over two-thirds of the gene-pool in Asia can count Genghis Khan as an ancestor. From what I understand of history, Genghis Khan was not of the highest moral standard by any estimation. If ever there would be an example of materialistic success… there it is for ya!

Spiritual success is another matter altogether. Most spiritual traditions affirm the importance of family values; however, the comparison with the values of materialism often ends there. Spiritual evolution involves a similar paradigm but it is based on some principles… some values that go beyond personal selfish ends. As we have learned by the example of Stalinism, state sponsored capitalism (the state is a tool of the economy), and state sponsored socialism (fascism); i.e., any society based entirely on material values eventually grinds itself down to the nub through short lived prosperity via conquest into a poverty of spirit (social-Darwinism) that precedes material destitution.

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geo, 4,587

Self-pity & Entitlement

One of the worst aspects of self-pity is the sense of entitlement it gives me. Because of this or that, the world owes me something that is withheld for one reason or another, and this keeps me from exploring all the possibilities available if I were to look for them instead of wallowing in self-pity. Unreasonable demands are one thing but downright criminal behavior can be the result of expectations unmet. Gratitude lifts my spirit out of the morass of self-pity and creates an aura of confidence and compassion that can overcome whatever is holding me back. Dropping my demands of God and of my fellow human beings opens doors that seemed shut to me as I become more generous with what I have been given.

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geo 4,587

Leave this sainthood business to neurotic overachievers...

Sometimes I wonder if all this talk about moral or spiritual perfection isn’t just another piece of unique delusion I can go through. Am I thinking that I can overcome the simple fact that it isn’t such a bad thing to be human? If I am truthful, I know that I don’t really want to walk on water as much as I want others to think I can. Who am I fooling? Isn’t it enough that I don’t murder; don’t rob or mug people; don’t engage in demeaning or otherwise self-destructive behaviors? I can find myself backed up between the proverbial rock and a hard place and still try to wrangle my way out of it without taking care of business.

Taking care of business is about as close to perfection as I can imagine at this phase of my life. I’ve given up on sainthood and certainly have made enough of a mess of it, at one time or another, to figure out that I’m better off simply accepting my humanity. I’ll leave this sainthood business to neurotic overachievers… thank you very much.

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geo, 4,486

If God Exists, then it is up to God to provide the proof...

My loss of faith certainly was not based on my material success as much as it was just plain indifference. Would it be too far a stretch to say that the life of faith simply seemed silly to me? It is said that atheism proclaims that there is no proof of God but, it is my contention that, any “proof” of these sorts are as inane as proofs to the contrary. It just didn’t matter one way or another to me because I believed that the Universe could be described, from the big Bang on, adequately without fantastic explanations. To tell the truth, I still believe that, and furthermore, I believe God believes that.

The Tao of physics doesn’t require that I take on any burdensome proofs or circular reasoning. My contention is that, if God exists, then it is up to God to provide the proof… should that really be necessary. My part is to apply certain principles, time worn and true, to my life in such a way as to display the proofs in my heart. Had I not hit bottom I would have no reason to believe that either. 

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geo, 4,585

We are all Bozo's on this bus!

As I become acquainted with more of my fellow human beings, I made aware of the wide variety of mental and physical challenges those among us face in their day-to-day affairs. Once I understand this, my perspective is broadened and I arrive at a better tolerance of my own troubles. Being able to embrace my own difficulties, and to transcend them, has been the greatest boon to my spiritual growth. Much like alcoholism or drug addiction, these challenges have been a great source of strength, compelling me to diligence on the spiritual path. Or simply, as one AA puts it, “If I weren’t such a fuck-up, what would I need God for?” Or, better yet, to quote the Firesign Theater, "We are all Bozo's on this bus!" And to pretend otherwise is not a folly exclusive to politicians and preachers. 

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Meditation: Simply Breathe

Meditation is the best asset I have as a tool for self-appraisal. We live busy lives and it almost seems a waste of time to take a few minutes out of our day for “navel gazing” to just simply breathe. How can I take a good look at myself if I don’t take the time to appreciate the flow of air in and out of my lungs? As I sit, focusing on my breathing, the monkey chatter calms down… time takes a break… my plans for the day fall into perspective… the sense of well-being, I so desperately try to grasp through frantic binges that are constantly beckoning… that too falls into place. Welling up from the depths of my core arises an authentic caring… a loving self-appraisal and sense that I am being moved by a power greater than myself... makes itself apparent. Just as it takes time for a tennis racket to become an extension of the arm, the practice of meditation takes time to become a vital extension of who I am and, not unlike the racket to the tennis pro, it eventually becomes me. 

Happy Leap Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What of the majority on the planet who are not addicts or alcoholics? Do they need to trust and rely on a Higher Power to the extremes that we do? Do they too need to hit an emotional/spiritual bottom to surrender to whatever God’s will means to them in their lives? Or do they have such a balance in their lives; so in tune with the cosmos that there is no need to go to the lengths we had to go to get sober? In my  open and very public blog site, Daily Meds, I try to keep my spiritual affiliation anonymous and, therefore, I am challenged to speak in universal terms outside of my fellowship. It is difficult to even speak in terms of this acceptance to those who have never been driven to the place of desperation I had to be immersed in enough to compel me towards this spiritual path.

I do understand that it doesn’t matter to me what others have to do with their lives. In fact, it is none of my business what forms of spiritual discipline  they find helpful (or none at all for all that matters). I just know that our common humanity calls for a degree of selflessness towards each other… that of a mother or father towards their children… or a brother or a sister for each other... to get along for another new year. My we all find peace and good will in the 366 days ahead... yes, this Leap Year!

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