At
one time, while I wallowed in a spiritual bottom, I secretly hoped someone
would rescue me. I say “secretly” because I had convinced myself that I could
pull myself up by my own bootstraps. This belief proved itself to be based on
some pretty shaky evidence because I wasn’t able to see, or give credit to,
those who had been carrying me most of the time. Incredulously, however, I
couldn’t help but to dream of a
How bad can it
get? The isolation of thinking of my failures being resolved by my own efforts
was coupled by resentment I had for others who failed to meet my demands for
help (whether my demands were unmet by institutions or individuals). I am ever
so grateful I didn’t find the help I wanted because I eventually got the help I
actually needed. Yes, I found in the darkness of my despair, I needed to lean on a power greater than any human being and,
had I not isolated myself to the degree I had, I may have never found the Heart
of Compassion.
Today I depend
on God to stir in me the compassion I need to extend my concerns to others and
that is what lifted my spirit out of the doldrums of depression. What help I
needed was not at all what I wanted and when I surrendered my aspirations (and contempt for my own failures), it
clicked. It simply clicked and there was freedom, light and love where I would have never expected it..
geo, 4,703
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