Hopelessness…
despair… the “Dark night of the Soul”… the essential
ingredient here… the pill I had to swallow before I could stand on my own two
feet. It seems to be the password of the heart that opens the gateway into the
spiritual landscape. I believe that it could be an absolute condition that is not
exclusive to alcoholics and addicts. In fact, I have observed that most
spiritual disciplines… for good or bad… insist that acolytes arrive with the
humility only hopelessness induces. Cults find it easier to manipulate members
if they can keep them in submission and of having the exclusive remedy for such
hopelessness. However, the hopelessness that lifted my obsession was the sort
that put me on my knees to no other human being… though humility directed me
through the doors of AA, I was encouraged to proceed with certain steps that
required I hold on to the humility of that hopelessness now that I was on the
other side. I was encouraged to proceed humbly through anonymity towards the
spiritual awakening that keeps me sober beyond that original submission. It is
my belief… though I admit I don’t really know for sure… that people who aren’t
addicts or alcoholics might have to admit to this hopelessness to experience
the joy I have found in union with the Heart of Compassion. But perhaps it
could be that only those of us who are sick souls are the ones who actually need it. I can admit that it could possibly be that healthy minded souls find sufficient spirituality without some kind of crises that requires the remedy of said hopelessness. Humility has also taught me that I can only speak of my own experience where
spiritual matters are concerned and to resist projecting it onto others… even
other alcoholics or addicts.
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