And God Rests

By amending our mistakes, we get wisdom.
By defending our faults, we betray an unsound mind.

The Sutra of Hui Neng

###

At first I was baffled by the almost impossible and, at times, insane obsession with task of correction... for the faults that had sapped my strength when I had youth and dreams: these are wiggly things. Like any absolute tyrant the unsound mind… the neurotic mind… employs every contrivance in the defense of ego. As if it weren’t enough to maintain this power over the faults and traps of past behavior, the whole damned thing seems so difficult that only the greatest fool would attempt it: for here I stand alone with a life I dreamed would be fulfilled past middle age. And now I approach in awe of the wonder the dying colors of the autumn towards its winter, the end of it, too late… too late: a life encircled with a long deep sleep.

   Yes, I admit, I stand alone with only the courage to put one foot in front of the other and aided by no ambition other than the hope I can contribute to healing and to cause no more harm. I have no high spiritual quest for power or control… no more than some kind of settlement with this unsound mind. I read the Tempest by Shakespeare one more time and weep for the passing of a dream… a chimera of an illusion created that is but a stage. On this fragile platform I am merely an actor resigned to playing a bit part. I love, not only the accomplishment of this life so far, but I play my part with very little real remorse. Yes, I defend my faults for I have loved my mistakes… missed cues… pitfalls and stumbling across the boards. From these I was taught that I would learn but I hardly did and rarely do. In the end I conclude that admitting this condition is my most lofty accomplishment for admitting them liberates my soul from the grip of oppression.

What? I say to you, it must be Saturday and God rests.

geo 5,270