The Second Step

Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

Alcoholics Anonymous

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   It is uncommon to come upon another who can admit that they are stark raving mad and that their lives are unmanageable. I had to ask myself, Am I mad? Compared to what? Looking around at some of the crazy shit that comes down in the world gives me pause when I consider my own impulses towards insanity where drinking and drugs are concerned. The idea that alcoholism is a mental illness can be a huge stumbling block for most of us because we think of mental illness as a state of mind that drives us to act out; perhaps to see things that aren’t there; criminal acts of insane violence; sexual perversity; or as simple as babbling incoherently. Some balk at the idea of calling alcoholism and drug addiction diseases at all. It isn’t as though these types of disease have a prognosis exactly like cancer or any “real” disease.

   Understanding that alcoholism is a disease would be easier to accept when it is taken into account that the brain of an alcoholic or addict reacts differently to alcohol and drugs. The insanity that drove me to go back to the bottle, no matter what the consequences, is beyond understanding under any other context than to see myself as having a mental illness. It is only in the context of helplessness in the grip of a terminal disease that I can even see the need for a Power greater than myself. Otherwise, I wouldn’t go back again and again to the idea that I can defeat this thing by applying will power. Will power is a valuable tool when it is used correctly; however, very few would attempt to defeat any other disease, such as cancer, by using will power alone. The Second Step doesn’t say I must believe in God or magical voodoo oogah-boogah. It says clearly that our experience is that we “came to believe”.  That I can be restored to sanity where drinking and drugs have ruined my life isn’t an article of faith but rather an expression of experience like coming to believe that this chair will hold me when I sit on it.

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