Honesty/Recovery

 Today, around 8pm, will be the anniversary of my first 24 hr day of sobriety  fourteen years ago: September 15th 1998. I look back at the experience that brought about this dramatic new direction and am marveled that I was able to make it through that day at all… sober or not. In retrospect, I had no intention whatsoever to quit drinking as I awoke that day. I lay in bed thinking about the events of the days proceeding that morning of despair. There was no sleeping it off or avoiding the truth… I was driven by self-pity and a self-centered obsession that I had no power over. The honesty of recognizing this condition turned out to be the most essential ingredient to the first step out of the morass I found myself in. I had admitted several times before that day that I was an alcoholic but I had not admitted it honestly to my innermost self.

The truth was that I could put away the drink for a day or two… maybe even a month or so… but always, the obsession came back. That morning was different because this admission was escorted by despair. There is no honesty like the honesty of despair… when the facts of life surround and smother… like the struggle is one that overcomes all instinct to survive and complete surrender is the only acceptable response. It is on this altar of honesty that the power of what most of us refer to as “God” is first revealed and the corruption of compassion is atoned. It was on this holy ground that I kicked off my sandals and discovered a Power Within that I could be honest with and about. It was the first three steps of recovery taken without reservation: recognition and surrender to something I would come to believe. It all began that day.
 
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