Surrender: The Only Option

There are mornings I start out from bed distracted by grief from actions I have taken that can never be taken back. That isn’t so important as it is to grasp what it is that I do with it. These aren’t the minor gaffs and misdirected anger that I usually take care of before falling off to sleep. These are the sort of things that have been deliberately committed to a losing strategy… like an army in full charge. There is a point in any battle where it is futile to keep on going and it is just as futile to retreat. Surrender is the only option… to cease any and all action. In spite of this clumsy metaphor, these moments are precisely the location…i.e., the time and the attitude, to approach meditation. Can I do this without working myself into a cauldron of regret for misdeeds? I suppose so but it isn’t the case when the harm has been done and no apology… no words can be taken back… no positive conclusion can come of the mess I’ve made. While the sorrow rakes the coals of desire, fanning the flames, can I rest in meditation? This so happens to be the channel where access to the Heart of Compassion can be embraced most fully. Just as a wound must be painfully opened and treated before affective healing can proceed, sometimes the soul goes through such agony. Where grief roams untreated and pain avoided, the wound festers. If I distract myself prematurely with drugs, alcohol, television, food… even service to others… a scab forms and I can become hardened to it until it is too late. I’m not suggesting that I don’t use healthy distractions like service to others and even some of the lesser ones (like a good football game or a fine diner with a loved one) but only after I treat the source of suffering… the wounded heart… do they work for healing the mind.

    So, I sit this morning and wait for direction or quietude. I surrender to a Power greater than myself.

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