A Thorough Moral Inventory

At first the notion of a fearless inventory seemed absurd, until I realized that although learning more about my deep dark secrets might not be very pleasant, it was what I did not know that I had to fear. Inventories tell us what’s on the shelf, and whether we have too little or too much --- this is what I needed to identify to become a whole, happy person, which by this step had gone beyond being a possibility to becoming a goal.

12 Steps on

Buddha's Path, p. 18

Laura S.

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Until I took a thorough inventory I slept with the radio on at night so that my dreams wouldn’t interfere with whatever peace of mind I had. I had a feeling this could have had something to do with the ghosts of my past; phantoms of fear from transgressions against my own being and the harm I had done others. At first it was slow going… a process of meditation and prayer. A disturbing thought or memory would come to mind while doing a menial task and sometimes cause me to shout out; “Get off of me!” I’d look around, embarrassed; to see if anyone heard me. The thought wouldn’t leave until I reached for my notebook and wrote it down.

   One by one I wrote them down until there was nowhere else to turn but to look at how I felt about this God idea. Pencil in hand, I jotted down all the different names of God and what I had against them; what I had to fear of them and their believers. I realized that I had feared a chimera of God, what others had made up about God, and not the existence of a Higher Power. After all, hadn’t the obsession to drink been lifted by something greater than ole George?

   While it was hard to wrap my mind around what other people called God, it wasn’t difficult at all to understand and know a God of my own understanding. Then I realized that every one of the Twelve Steps uncovered something else about this divine mystery… a personal revelation of God working in my life. It would be a lifetime of discovery…

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