Compassion/Pity/Arrogance

Compassion is a far greater and nobler thing than pity. Pity has its roots in fear and carries a sense of arrogance and condescension, sometimes even a smug feeling of "Glad it's not me." As Stephen Levine says; "When your fear touches someone's pain it becomes pity; when your love touches someone's pain, it becomes compassion." To train in compassion is to know that all beings are the same and suffer in similar ways, to honor all those who suffer, and to know that you are neither separate from nor superior to anyone.

Glimpse After Glimpse

Daily Reflections by

Sogyal Rinpoche

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Very few people are so tuned to, and apt to exploit, pity and condescension as addicts and alcoholics are. I believe that this is where the "No strings attached" attitude works best. The strings attached to arrogance can cause me to burn-out if I expect anything… even a token of gratitude… in return when I give of myself to another.
    Pity is often exploited by those in need and it can irritate us. I.e., when passing through Oregon, every rest stop along I-5 seemed to have someone with a sign that read "Need money for Gas!" I know that it is a racket and it peeves me somewhat. In fact, it ought to. Hasn't anyone seen the scene the "alley of miracles" from The Hunchback of Notre Dame where the beggars threw off their crutches after a hard day begging? Do I respond out of guilt or do I see myself in the fellow that is simply down on his luck? Some do need help while others are, well, out of kindness I can say, clueless. No, I can't allow myself to feel taken advantage of because, eventually, I will cease helping others or having any compassion at all for those I might have pitied if my graciousness is compelled by guilt or the arrogance of salving it.
     Compassion can translate to giving a sandwich to a panhandler, caring deeply for his wellbeing, instead of coin that might be used to go for a jug of wine. Then again, coin might be given knowing full well what it is going for because I know what its like to really need a drink.  The true test of compassion is when I am cursed for such charity, instead of being thanked for it, and it doesn't bother me at all: not because I don't care but because I do care deeply.

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