A Matter of Form

THE LAW OF FORGIVENESS
Excerpted from:
Around the Year
With Emmet Fox, p. 27

.....The vital importance of forgiveness may not be obvious at first sight, but you may be sure that it is not by chance that every great spiritual teacher from Jesus Christ downward has insisted so strongly upon it..
    You must forgive injuries, not just in words, or as a matter of form, but in your heart … You do this, not for the other person’s sake, but for your own sake. Resentment, condemnation, anger, desire to see someone punished are things that rot your soul. Such things fasten your troubles to you with rivets. They fetter you to many other problems that actually have nothing to do with the original grievances themselves.

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This forgiveness business is the hardest task I am confronted with… period. Yes, it is easy to do so as a “matter of form”, but “from my heart” is another story altogether. What kind of doormat am I expected to be? There were deep wounds inflicted from my past and I am inclined to blame the offender and hold deep resentment when I feel I have been grievously harmed. Frankly, I don’t want to forgive some offenses and, because I don’t want to forgive them, every relationship I enter is affected in ways that are mysteriously subliminal. Furthermore, if I only forgive as a matter of form, the hypocrisy of it fumes deep inside, like a dormant volcano, and is libel to explode at the slightest provocation. Still, I believe that forgiveness in form is a good starting point as long as I don’t convince myself that I am done with the matter.
    So, what am I to do about it? Sometimes it takes work, patience, prayer, and meditation, not just because I am imperfect but because the wounds are real. Therefore, the process of helping another alcoholic has been a good way to defuse the resentment, condemnation and anger. In doing so, I can easily see where the reluctance to forgive can be such a stumbling block for recovery in the friend I am helping; i.e, I can see myself in others. So many times it has been a saving grace to see myself in the foibles of my compadres in recovery and am witness to the consequences and troubles that seem to arise from nowhere.

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