Morbid Wanderings

A Continuous look at our assets and liabilities, and a real desire to learn and grow by this means, are necessities for us…. When a drunk has a terrific hangover because he drank heavily yesterday, he cannot live well today. But there is another kind of hangover which we all experience whether we are drinking or not. That is the emotional hangover, the direct result of yesterday's and sometimes today's excesses of negative emotion --- anger, fear, jealousy, and the like. If we would live serenely today and tomorrow, we certainly need to eliminate these hangovers. That doesn't mean we need to wander morbidly around the past. It requires an admission and correction of errors now.

Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (pp. 88-89)

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A depressed personality already combs through the failures and fears of past and present circumstances. Morbid wanderings through these are driven like a nail into the heart of one afflicted with this expression of mental illness. Emotional disturbances can appear to have no rational meaning or cause. At such times I only know I am blue and morbid reflection only feeds that condition. I'm reminded of the lyrics in the chorus best sung by Lois Armstrong and Ella Fitzgerald: "You're only beginning… you're learning the Blues." 


The "how to" of taking control of this spinout is "contrary action". Like a vehicle on ice, you turn the wheel in the opposite direction you are spinning in a "Brody" to straighten it out. An immediate reflex such as this takes some training and simple tricks to turn around these complex emotions. I can name these accusers and I call them "The Committee". Telling the members of the Committee "You have each been allowed to speak and now the meeting is adjourned." It is only a trick but tricks are necessary in an emergency. We can get to the sources once the mind is calmed. Once adjourned, I take a few minutes to bless them and seek the positive in my life before I delve into an honest inventory.

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