Once
I had taken on responsibility for my past, the time came to be responsible for
the present. I believe that the spirituality… i.e., morality… that ignores the
value of living to useful purpose is only good for preaching to the choir. To
those of use who have sailed over the edge of a flat-earth can't be reformed or
admonished towards righteousness out of fear of an abstract hell. We have been
to a very real hell and, for some of us, we weren't tourists there: we were content
to live there. I found excitement and the thrill of living on the edge until I
sailed over it … careening through relationships: sinking careers, shirking family
and abusing friendships. It was difficult to accept that that the spiritual
life would be one of adventure. I had shunned it until I found that evolution would
be more of a revolution than anything I had done before. Living life to
practical purpose is a utilitarian approach to a philosophy that is quite the
opposite of any other moral basis to do so. The first nine Steps of AA were necessary
for me because I had been conducting my life rather chaotically previous to
setting aside drugs and alcohol. From that point on in the Tenth, Eleventh and Twelfth Step, I have utilized the adventure
towards the Heart of Compassion because, frankly, the oblivion of the adventures of my past
bore me.
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