Empathy, not Sympathy

Empathy connects while sympathy deflects.

I was going about my business of the day and then, out of the blue my life changed forever by an accident of fate that I was in no way prepared for. In my case it was a very dramatic one. One night, around nine pm, I was on a bicycle headed for the bank to take a few bucks out of the ATM. My last memory was of flying over the handlebars. After awaking on the grass of a lawn at dawn, I walked the bike home (the front wheel was twisted like a pretzel, took a shower and went to work). Not only was I unprepared for that particular accident but I was not ready for the changes the future held for me or how I would deal with the changes. While on the job (my job title was; Artist/Facilitator at the California Medical Correctional Facility in Vacaville, Ca), a fellow worker noticed I was acting strangely… slurring words and confused. He rushed me to the hospital where I experienced seizures and X-rays showed I suffered a fracture from ear to ear at the base of my skull. I had to start my life over from that day on, tabula rasa. My career was on hold and then abandoned. I became unable to put together more than a sentence at a time for a while but, after recovering a bit from that, I thought I was over it. Struggling with suicidal thoughts and desperate to recover some of my abilities, I became homeless nonetheless. I kept trying to do what I had been trying to do before but found myself failing in every direction because I had left my injuries untreated. I thought I could fix myself but the confusion only grew.

            Far too many have suffered brain injury and walk around among us looking as though they are healthy enough. Veterans or civilians, we are sometimes diagnosed as having mild concussions if we know our names, what day it is, and can remember who the current President is. Brain injury is only beginning to be properly diagnosed and treated effectively/seriously by the medical community because of returning vets from Iraq and Afghanistan. Beyond medical treatment, many of us become shuffled off to the side, doped up with psych-drugs, and are seen as unresponsive to the social safety-networks that are taken for granted by others. The inability to adapt to life afterwards crushes the spirit and, still proud, we try to manage whatever is left of our lives. Whenever I hear of an athlete or a soldier as having a so-called mild concussion, my ears perk-up. Is there anyway of treating invisible injuries and catching them on time before their lives end; unemployable, isolated, frustrated, or driven to homelessness and suicide? I am a lucky one. I lived through it, and eventually retained some of my lost dignity, but my prayers go to those who are still lost. If anyone reading this know has suffered a brain injury or knows of a family member or friend who has had a life-changing head trauma… have lost contact with them… have watched in frustration as a loved one sinks into alcohol and drug abuse… get empathetic professional help… especially the VA for veterans…. Yes empathy goes much further than sympathy. There is hope.

         I am grateful I to have a sister who searched me out and made contact with me. I will never forget that phone call. Thanks, Joy.

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