So our troubles, we
think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the
alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually
doesn’t think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this
selfishness. We must, or it kills us!
*****
When this paragraph is read today, I
simply nod in agreement. However, this was not how I reacted when I first heard it. I would have never admitted I thought of myself as a victim rather than a
provocateur and, if I stepped on your toes, you certainly deserved it. I refused to admit to victim-hood because I didn't know how much of
a victim I had become of my own self-centered delusions. My common reaction was to get even to how
others responded, “seemingly without provocation”, when I “stepped on their toes”.
I thought I would not be a victim if I got even rather than to make an attempt
to see my part in the conflict. Gradually… and I do mean gradually, I began to
see how my actions affected others.
The way I become free of being a victim is
no longer to retaliate for the way I have been treated but to take an action that would
have been repulsive to me at one time. Of course, I am no one’s doormat but I
have found that, instead, it is most important to scrutinize my own behavior through the eyes of any perceived nemesis. I have found that, if I am a victim at all, I am a victim of
my own blindness along these lines.
geo, 4,618
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