More Harm Than Good

TWELVE STEPS

AND

TWELVE TRADITIONS

STEP NINE

(p. 83)

1. There will be those who ought to be dealt with just as soon as we become reasonably confident that we can maintain our sobriety. 2. There will be those to whom we can make only partial restitution, lest complete disclosures do them or others more harm than good. 3. There will be other cases where action ought to be deferred, and still others in which, by the very nature of the situation we shall never be able to make direct personal contact at all.

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The whole idea of making restitution is based on easing, and taking responsibility for, the suffering I caused as I careened through life. The military term is collateral damage; stuff that happened that I had no intention of causing along with my intended target. Leaving aside the latter, there are those too who had no idea that I had done anything at all to them or had simply forgotten about it entirely. Sometimes these are trivial and totally unnecessary acts of contrition that wax towards a selfish disregard for the peace of mind of others and the only benefit is solely my own. Paying back (in payments for instance) what is reasonably possible for debts can be the remedy for the grief I caused debtors (i.e., instead of grandstanding with my whole paycheck and shorting my landlord the rent) is a good example that applies here. The whole point of this Step is to unburden and clear the grip my past has on me and not to go willy-nilly into areas I had no business in at all that  certainly do not have any positive outcome for anyone. Being able to discern the absolute from the relative is a Dzogchen principle that applies neatly here… to remove whatever stands between me and my true nature.

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