Though the variations were many, my
main theme was always “How godawful I am!” Just as I often exaggerated my
modest attainments by pride, so I exaggerated my defects through guilt. I would
race about, confessing all (an a great deal more) to whoever would listen.
Believe it or not, I took this widespread exposure of my sins to be great
humility on my part, and considered it a great spiritual asset and consolation!
But later on I realized at depth that
the great harms I had done others were not truly regretted. These episodes were
merely the basis for story-telling and exhibitionism. With this realization
came the beginning of a certain amount of humility.
AS BILL SEES IT; 311, Telling the Worst
GRAPEVINE, JUNE 1961
*****
I sat here at least an hour this morning but I could not
come up with anything to add to the point Bill W. was making… so I won’t. Good
morning.
geo, 4,647
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